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Stand Tall & Own It
Something shifted. You can feel it. You just can't name it yet.
Stand Tall & Own It is for women in the second half of life who are high-functioning on the outside and quietly disoriented on the inside. You built your life inside systems you trusted completely — until you realized you couldn't tell what was actually yours from what you'd just learned to navigate well.
Host Andrea Johnson doesn't offer formulas. She offers honest thinking, sharp observation, and the kind of conversation that makes you pull over and sit in your driveway.
This is where the real work starts.
Stand Tall & Own It
Episode 96 - Optimize Your Life, with Kara Nicole Bitar
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Kara Nicole Bitar holds a Juris Doctor from Duke University School of Law and practiced high-stakes corporate litigation at one of the largest law firms in the Southeast. Kara now combines the dedication and commitment that it took to become a successful attorney, real-life training in what it takes to succeed at high-levels, and extensive research, experience and training in how to optimize our lives, to help individuals excel in their professional and creative endeavors, be energized and excited about life, and experience their full potential.
Topics discussed in this episode:
Leadership principle: Empowerment. Honoring the ‘knowing’ that others have within themselves and the ability to do something with it.
Habits:
- Yoga
- Living in the way you are structured to thrive.
Green Flags:
- Look for the thoughts that feel bad - find the untruth within them
- Look for the thoughts that feel good - find the truth within them
Advice:
- Make YOU #1 priority
- If you think you don’t have time, re-evaluate - you’re missing out.
Where to find Kara:
Website: Kara Nicole Bitar
Instagram: @karanicolebitar
Facebook: Kara Nicole Bitar
Linkedin: Kara Nicole Bitar
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You're listening to Intentional Optimists, the podcast for unconventional leaders, where you'll find inspiration, learn to discover and develop your own strengths, and hear from inspiring women just like you who are making a difference in their community. Who knows? You just might find yourself stepping up as the next unconventional leader right where you are. I'm your host, Andrea Johnson, the original intentional auditor. Welcome to episode 96. You know, I get to listen to women tell their stories on a regular basis, and I am always fascinated with how similar a thread runs through so many of them. It's this idea that our worth lies in our accomplishments. Granted, that's gonna show up differently in each woman's life based on personalities and environment, but there's no denying that we're taught that our value lies in what we can contribute or accomplish. Some of us just internalize it more than others. Today's guest took that idea and ran with it, starting in the fifth grade. Wait till you hear the story. Whew, this girl had it going on. Right up to the point where she realized it was going to either be her or her job. Kara Nicole Batar was a high-stakes corporate litigator with what looked like her dream job, and it turns out not so much. So she took the risks, made the changes, and today lives a beautiful life knowing she's finally doing what she was made to do. I hope that you are as inspired by my new friend Kara as I am. Hey Kara, welcome to the show.
SPEAKER_00Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to be here.
SPEAKER_01I know, I'm excited to have this conversation. We have um some likes in common, and um I think that this is going to be really, really interesting. So I've given our audience uh just a brief introduction to who you are and kind of what you do, but if you wouldn't mind, give us a brief background of kind of how you got to where you are today and who you work with, and how that is kind of unconventional as far as we look at leadership right now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I used to be um a high-stakes corporate litigator. And yeah, I basically planned and prepared my whole life for that job. It was something I wanted since I was in the fifth grade. Oh, wow. And so yeah, this was like a long-term plan of mine. Um, and so I worked really hard to that end. And I went to Duke Law. I went there on a scholarship, and then I graduated from there, and I was recruited by and I did work for one of the largest law firms in the South East doing high-stakes corporate litigation. Um, I also did a lot of pro bono work for victims of domestic violence. Um, and I did so much of it that I was actually named the leader of that project at our firm. So, so yeah, that that was um that was my like that was what I had worked my whole life for. And so I really accomplished everything that I had set out to accomplish. I had a beautiful home in the city, I had a beautiful wardrobe, I could go on beautiful vacations, I was making a lot of money, I felt really respected and appreciated by my colleagues, and I was doing this significant legal work. And so if you were to look at my life on paper, it was like I had everything, like I had it all. And so, um, but even though I had all of those things, I was deeply unhappy, which was so confusing.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00Because I was like, I have everything that I thought I wanted, and I had everything that everyone told me was going to make me happy, was going to make me feel fulfilled. And so it was this very confusing thing that I'm in this position now with everything, and here I am so deeply unhappy, feeling so deeply unfulfilled. Like I almost like I felt empty inside. Yeah. And so, and again, it's like it intellectually it like didn't make sense to me. Because I was doing significant work and I was doing work that had, you know, meaning to it. And especially like the um domestic violence work I did, like the my clients would be like, Thank you so much, you helped me so much, you know, and I'd have these momentary like woo, and then gone. You know what I mean? Like I just most of the time I felt really bad. And so I I stayed in that job for a number of years, yeah. Um, trying to make it work, trying to make myself, and when I say make it work, what I mean is like trying to make myself happy in it. Because it wasn't working.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's what I'm gonna I'm gonna butt in here for a second though, because I think that's what we do as women. And I know you were not necessarily raised in the southeast, but this is the culture you're in. And I wasn't raised in the southeast, but I am from that culture. Yeah, and as women, we I think we've had to fight so hard for any path that we can have, and especially a success path that means that we are going to have status and be upheld by our colleagues, male and female. Um, and you know, for me, this is where our personalities are different. For me, it was gonna be a doctor, right? And then it was, oh, that's a lot of work, right? Because this is me, my personality. I'm like, oh, that's a lot of work. So I decided, oh, maybe nurse practitioner. And then it was like, yeah, but that's a lot of work too. And then a nurse. Oh, but you know what? They do all the work and the doctor gets all the glory. I think I'm gonna do something else, right? So at least I can say that I did do that, but I do understand that desire to make a difference, to to follow a path that in our minds cognitively makes sense. Yes, yes, you know, and how how many women do this on a daily basis and then find themselves just as you said, confused.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I would say a lot.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00A lot. Yeah. Really, a lot. And it really has to do with I think how like what the general messaging is and how what we're generally taught, I think is what really leads to this. And and so like for me, when I, you know, it's like, how do you make a decision when you're in fifth grade that you want to be an attorney? Like, how do you know that, right? Like, how did I even know? Like, oh, in fifth grade, I know I want to be an attorney. And I was like, I committed. Like, I was like highest honors from high school. It was summa cum laude from college. I I published in a law journal as an undergrad, and then you know, I went on to Duke. I published when I was there. I mean, this was like hardcore commitment. Yeah, absolutely. Do you know what I mean? Um, but it's like, but how do you, how do you know that? Why do you think you know that? And it was like, I didn't at the time realize what was driving that. Like at the time, and even through, even through like high school and college and law school, if you'd have asked me, like, okay, why, why do you want to become an attorney? I would have had all these good reasons, right? But none of them were the true reason. And I didn't realize the true reason until I left that job and really kind of delved into myself and understanding myself and really what was going on. But I actually chose that profession because I believed that I, as a being, was innately unworthy and not valuable. And I had to go and make myself valuable. I had to go and prove myself. I had to go and become something. And if I didn't do those things, it was like then I would be nothing. And so, and then from this, I grew up in a small town, and in this child's mind, I believed there were two noble professions in the world. One was doctor, one was lawyer.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I chose lawyer. And so it wasn't like I was choosing this from a place of is this expressing the creativity that I hold within? Is this expressing the uniqueness that I hold within? No, that is not why I chose this profession. And what I see is this is such a common thing. It's like we are taught, it's like, it's like we come into this experience and we're like defective and deficient and lacking, and we need to go and become something. We need to go and make ourselves something.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00When in truth, we already are it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00We already are it. We come in with this innate, like these innate gifts and talents and creativity and geniusness, and and it's about then expressing those, and how are we going to express this unique and genius creativity that we are in this experience? And so what we're seeing is most people there's they're off, they're doing what I did. And so we're not getting a result in the end that feels good. Why? Because that profession wasn't me being me. And so it wasn't ever going to feel good. It wasn't ever going to fulfill me, no matter how good it looked on paper. Now, could it fulfill some people? Yes, of course. Yeah. If that's in alignment with like who they are, but it wasn't who I was. I had no sense of who I was. I didn't even know that it's like I am something. It was all about, well, what am I going to become?
SPEAKER_01You know, I also saw something recently. Um, I read about how we in our society talk to boys and talk to girls differently. And girls are um are praised for literally what they present, how they look, how what they perform, etc. Boys are courageous or smart or whatever. And we don't even think about how we talk sometimes to children. And this actually becomes ingrained in our minds as to why we need to perform a certain way. Right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, so what was the turning point? Because I haven't personally done domestic violence work. My husband, when we were in Baltimore, actually received an award similar to what you talked about, um, a clergy award for working with um in domestic violence. And so that's kind of dear to my heart. But what was it that was the turning point that would pull you away from all of that instead of like turning into just working in specific types of law?
SPEAKER_00Right. So that's a really good question. Um and so what ended up happening was like I didn't have this great mental clarity. I just didn't. It was like I should be happy and I'm not. And I felt guilty about it and I blamed myself for it. I kept trying to make myself happy, nothing was working. And and also, too, I just want to add that it wasn't like people in my firm knew I was unhappy or people I was around knew I wasn't happy. This was really something that I kept very clear, like under wraps, right? And so, but um I eventually got to the point where I was just like, something has to give, something has to change. I don't want to keep living this way, I don't want to keep feeling this way. And part of me was like, there's nothing else out there, so just keep doing it. Do you know what I mean? Like you have it good, just stick with it. This is as good as it gets, right? Oh, that hurts my heart. Yeah. And you know, the thing was, I I um when I was in that profession, I, you know, I remember I had this conversation with this colleague, and I was like, you know, are you like passionate about what you're doing? Do you feel like excited to get up in the morning? Do you, you know, do you feel energized by life? And it was like, no. But like, that's just what life is. Like we have a good job. And, you know, we have moments of joy like here and there, but like that's that's just what life is, you know? And it was like I just couldn't accept that. It was like it just both of you felt that way. Yeah. I mean, I I felt that way, but I was like, I couldn't, at the same time, I couldn't accept it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I there's a part of me that was like, okay, this is this is it. And then there was a part of me that was like, this cannot be it. This cannot be. And so finally, it's like you said, it took me years, and um, I finally got up the courage to leave that job. And and so, and it again, I left it because it was like, again, I had a conf, it was not like meant like a lot of mental clarity going on here. I didn't have that. Do you know what I mean? Like I wanted it, but I didn't have it.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes we just take whatever step we can, girl.
SPEAKER_00We just take what we can. And so, but the job, it was like something in my life has to change. I'm incredibly unhappy. I have to know, is there something different? Can I feel differently about life? And the job was like the biggest thing in my life. Yeah. So it was like, and as much as it was such a good job, it was high stress, it was high pressure. You know, so there was this kind of part of me that was like, well, maybe the job is the problem. But there's this other part of me that was like, if I leave this job though, and I just go to another one, it's going to be different faces, different places, but I'm gonna feel the same.
SPEAKER_01And we've all done that too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I mean, I easily could have. I had a great resume. My job was my the firm I worked at was well connected. They would have helped me get another job if I wanted to. But it was like this thing in me that was like, that's not the solution. And so I did something that I mean, I don't know if anybody has ever done that at the firm I was at, which is I left without a plan. I really did not know what I was going to do. I did not know what I didn't know what I was gonna do once I left, but there was this thing in me that was like, you've gotta make a change, you've got to do something.
SPEAKER_01So what was the biggest feeling you had leaving without a plan?
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, it was really just it was just fear. I mean, I was just like, I'm gonna, you know, again, there was this kind of confused state of mind. Like there was part of me that was like, give me two weeks and I'll figure something out. Because like I had kind of succeeded most of my life. So if I wanted something to do with it. You're a little bit of a driven person. Yeah. A little bit of a driven person. But then there was this other part of me that was like, oh my goodness, you're gonna leave this job and have nothing. Like you, like I didn't even have any really like hobbies. My whole life was so focused on, you know, doing these things that I thought I should do and that were like gonna move the dial for me or get me in some, you know, place I want to thought I wanted to be in. And so there was this part of me that was like, you know, I'm gonna leave this job, and I could like I'll just have nothing. Like, I'll just end up on the like streets. I don't know what's gonna happen, you know. But I did it anyway. Yeah, I did it anyway.
SPEAKER_01You did it anyway, and now and now the rest of the story. Yeah, you're an optimization coach. What is that, and how did you get into it?
SPEAKER_00So, and so really this is so these are programs and coaching that I developed. And so they're what I developed through my own journey and through my own experience. So, what happened was is I left that job. And after I left that job, I found myself in a really not good state of health. It was like when that job went away and all of the stress went away and all of the adrenaline went away, it was like my body just crashed. And I saw, oh, this is the state my body's actually in, right? So when we're operating on adrenaline all the time, we don't realize the state our body is actually in. So I realized, oh my goodness, this is the state my body's actually in, and it is not good. And then on top of that, when I left that job, I I realized that like I had really put all of my identity and worth in that job. And when it went away, it was like I felt completely worthless. I felt I felt terrible. It was like I didn't have a shred of value or worth in me. And so I found myself in this situation after I left my job, and I just made the decision I'm going to give everything I have, all my time, all my energy, everything to finding answers. And so that's what I did. And I committed myself to that full time. And I took programs, I saw different healers, I trained in a number of different modalities. I like worked in a clinic to see, like, okay, are these modalities working? What's happening? Um, and I researched, I read, and I tried all sorts of different diets, and it was like everything I could get my hands on. And I did really deep dives into it. I didn't just like do something and then move on.
SPEAKER_01And so it sounds a little bit like your MO though. Yeah. You're a little bit of a deep dive kind of girl.
SPEAKER_00I'm kind of a deep dive. Yeah. I basically took like all the things that that I used as a lawyer and all the things I used in like law school was like, I like put it all towards this. It's like now I'm gonna channel it all towards this, like finding answers and towards healing my body and towards like, can I have a different experience? And so I did that for a year and a half.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And after a year and a half, I found myself in worse health and feeling worse about myself because it was like, um, you know, there was this thing in me when I was practicing law, there was like this, okay, if you leave this job, there will be nothing for you after this. But then there was this little like shred of hope, like, but if I left, if I tried something different, I could have a different experience. And after doing this stuff for a year and a half, it was like, oh my goodness, what I'm searching for does not exist. And so it really was one of the darkest times in my life, and I considered going back to practice law. But there was again, there was just something in me that was like, keep going. And so I did, and I ended up finding Kundalini Yoga, which was a um turning point for me. It was then that things started to really turn around for me. And after doing Kundalini Yoga and being in that practice for a while, what happened was I started to become really clear-minded. It was like almost like, you know, being an attorney, doing this high level of work that I was doing, you would think, well, you'd have to be pretty clear-minded to do that, to operate at that high level. But oh my goodness, there's just nothing in comparison to the clear-mindedness that really started to come to me. And I also started to feel really energized by life, and I started to feel really inspired. And I and what happened was I was able to look back and be like, okay, all of these things that I did before, these didn't work. And I started to see this is why they didn't work.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Then I start, yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01I mean so I'm excited, but here's I'm I am a yoga newbie. So I need you to tell me what kundalini yoga is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so kundalini yoga. So I think when most people think of yoga, they think of a form of Hatha yoga. Um, there's a lot of different types of yoga, but I think generally people think of what is like a Hatha yoga, which is a very posture-posed focused yoga. So we're talking about like the yoga you see people doing those beautiful poses and the studios. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. We joke about the downward dog and you know that kind of stuff. Right. Okay.
SPEAKER_00So kundalini yoga looks pretty different from that. Okay. Um kundalini yoga, it uses postures and poses, but some of them, there are there is some overlap with Hatha Yoga, but many of them are very different. And in addition to using postures and poses, it also uses a number of different breathing techniques. And these breathing techniques can get pretty intense. Um, and in addition to breathing techniques, it uses sound current. So it uses mantra. So there's chanting in Kantini yoga. And then it also uses hand positions because our hands are connected to different parts of the brain. It uses eye positions. We can affect the brain and the endocrine system with our eye positions. It also uses meditation and relaxation. And so it's utilizing all of these things. Right. And what it's doing when it's doing that is it's working the physical body. And in particular, it's working the critical systems of the physical body. So like the nervous system, the endocrine system. It's not simply about like um, I think when people think of yoga, they may think of like being flexible. Um, it's it's it's really going into the systems of the body, working on the systems of the body to balance them. And then it's also working on a mental level. So it's working the mind, it's helping one to control and direct the mind, it's helping one to release and let go of old subconscious patterns and old beliefs. It's also working on an emotional level. So it's helping you to release and let go of suppressed emotions and deal with current emotions. And then it's working on an energetic level. So when we're talking about like the chakra system and the electromagnetic field, and so what it's doing is it's really addressing us as these dynamic and complex beings, and it's doing all of this in one practice. And so, what I really say about it is it's like it offers a lot of bang for the buck. And when I really started to understand, like I I did not know what Kundalini Yoga was. I had actually done yoga for years. And I turned on a class and I'm doing this class. And I, and quite frankly, it seemed odd to me. I was like, what am I doing? What has my life become? Do you know what I mean? And but I felt different after I did that practice. And the more I started to understand it, the more I was like, oh, this is why this is having such an impact. So I did it for quite a while before I understood anything about it.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm just finishing up reading The Body Keeps the Score. And so when it sounds to me like in your state of constant adrenaline, you're in like this constant state of trauma. Um that's the way your body kind of feels it. And I'm learning a lot about the body-brain connection and um to be able to my dad did um when we were kids, he did foot reflexology on us. And I always I've always known how to, you know, squeeze this point in my hand to work on my um to relieve a headache. And so those kinds of things, because like I grew up overseas, I grew up in Korea. So there are certain Eastern practices that were kind of normal in my life, but I never really kind of put them all together. And even just for an a recent podcast episode I did on um, I have like a rhythm in which I do all of my goal setting and everything. And I looked at what it's like and how we work together in our rhythms and looking at um how many things done in community when you talk about chanting and breathing, those kind of things really do like I'm getting cold chills, talk about it. They just settle our minds and our bodies, and they do kind of help us come right into, like you said, it just balances things out. Um, so I'm this is so interesting.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I I certainly agree with so when in a Kundalini Yoga class, there is actually an energy that is created. And at the beginning of the class, we use a mantra to create a vibratory frequency to basically hold the space of the class. And so when we come together in community and do Kundalini Yoga, there is energy that is created, it is a very powerful experience, and we can actually benefit from the energies of others in that space.
SPEAKER_01But so yeah, it's and if you're somebody out there who thinks that sound doesn't matter, um, tell that to me and my husband when we're trying to go to bed at night and our neighbors have a party going on, and it's literally their baseline is shaking my bed and or my windows, right? It's like the sound that you does have a frequency and and it makes a difference. You feel it whether you think you feel it or not. And so um that's that's very interesting.
SPEAKER_00For sure, yeah. So we live in this like sea of vibration, and quantum physics tells us this. And so these mantras, what they are is they're specific vibratory frequencies that come out of the science of nod, which is this ancient science of sound. And so these vibratory frequencies, the the ancient yogis, it's like they found that they do these certain things, they have these certain impacts on the body. And so I love mantra because it's like, okay, so the we we kind of know like the lower frequencies don't feel as good to us as like the higher frequencies. It's like we want to be at the higher frequencies, but it's like, well, how do we get there? And we can do a lot of stuff to get there, but what I love about these mantras is it's like they're this beautiful shortcut.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Like listen to the mantra, chant the mantra, allow the mantra to bring you to those frequencies. And oh, they're just so they're so impactful and they're so effective, and they're just so easy to use. And so in the Kundalini Yoga practice, like you can take these mantras, play them at a very low like volume while you're sleeping, or have them in your home playing. And in the Kundalini Yoga practice, what we do is we combine those mantras with the postures, with the poses, with the breath breath work, with the hand positions, with the eye positions, right? So it's like we're bringing all of these things together to really get like a result. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so this made a huge difference for you. And now you've turned around, made your own programs, and you're helping other people who were basically in the same boat as you were.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So the people I work with are people who it's like, if you look at their lives, it's kind of like, well, I kind of I have the things, right? Like I have the degrees, I have the the job, I have, you know, it's not that they might have everything, right? Maybe they're like wishing they had this this extra thing here, this extra thing here, but it's kind of like, it's like they've kind of like it, but it's like they have this knowing of like there's something more, there's something missing. I want to feel differently. And so the one thing too that I really see is that I feel like it's like we set this really high bar for ourselves in terms of like the education we get, in terms of like all the external things that we have, right? But when it comes to how we feel, I feel like we actually set a really low bar. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01This is how we this is what we do in the Western society, right? It's like it's the stiff upper lip. It's you're supposed to just be stay calm and carry on. And um, you know, don't let anybody see. I mean, my mother told me we don't air our dirty laundry, we just do our thing. And that gets a lot of us into places that are not healthy, either emotionally or physically, and um, to be willing to do something about it so that you can be fulfilled in the work that maybe you do really do love, right? You might.
SPEAKER_00You absolutely might. That's the thing. And it's just like, you know, what I kind of like to say is it's like we've hidden ourselves from ourselves.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But we're there. Like the truth, what I say is like the truth of who we are is there. The creativity that we hold, the abundance that we hold, the love that we hold, like that's all there. It's just like we're not living from that place.
SPEAKER_02Sure.
SPEAKER_00We're living from this very false sense of self. And so, what really what I my work is showing people and helping people understand, well, how do I tap into me? And what what do I do to really understand me, to understand who I am and how I function? And I know that some people might be like, well, I know who I am and I know how I function. And I would say, you know, if you're living in states of stress, of overwhelm, if you're living in states where life feels monotonous or feels like a grind or feels like hard work, if you're living in states of disease, you actually have misunderstandings about who you are and how you function. This isn't something to be like, um, feel bad about. This is common because of the the the the kind of the pervasive messaging in our society. It's like you're you're defective, you're deficient, you lack power, you know, and and what life is is just like you work hard, you struggle, you there's strife, you sacrifice, and then you have moments of joy here and there. And you should be happy with that, right?
SPEAKER_01And so just be happy with the crumbs.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, just be happy with that. That's good enough, right? And but it's like there's so much more for us to experience of ourselves. And what I'm what I saw in myself and what I'm seeing in others is like we innately know this, and it's a matter of just letting ourselves really be like, no, I want more. There's something more for me in this experience.
SPEAKER_01That sounds beautiful, it sounds amazing. So um now that you're in that position, um, you know, this is about leadership. And I love having unconventional leaders here. And so we always talk about the fact that leadership is it starts with yourself, and you have outlined a very clear message of and story of how you learned to do that yourself. And um, but what I love to do is kind of stop for a minute and take a look back to see, because we all have a, like you said, I love the way you put it, we're we're in there, our true self is really in there. And what I find too is that a lot of times women that I speak to in, you know, new or different or unconventional leadership type positions had this present in them somewhere in the past. So I'm curious to know if you have an earliest leadership memory or because you know, you're very driven. So we can look at that from an external way and say, well, at fifth grade, she knew what she wanted to do and she was headed there and she wrote in these journals. Like, I can't believe that in high school. Um, but do you have something that when you look back now that you never would have thought, oh, that was my true self showing up. That was me as a leader showing up, that you could see.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So um and it's it's again, it's like we're there and we've always been there, but like we're trained away from it. And so interestingly enough, when I was quite young, I was reading like self-help books, like books that like don't make sense for somebody really young to read. Yeah, especially books regarding women. Um, I and um and I remember too in the like the church that I was in, I tried to create this like program for parents to really start to understand their children and connect with them in a way that makes more sense, like made like more sense because I saw all the kind of the the disconnect with the children and the parents and how much the kids were suffering. So um there was this, there was inklings of this, and there really is in everybody because like these gifts and these talents, like they're there, they're there, and like what we're really you know called to do, and what we're really want to do, and what really lights us and excites us and energizes us, like it's there. Yeah, so it was there, but I didn't really. Um, I remember at the church, no one wanted anything to do with my program. And well, you're a human. What could you possibly have? I know what could I possibly have to offer? Um, and instead of you know pursuing this kind of looking at more like um, I mean, I did go in to study philosophy, so I did major in philosophy, and so I think there was definitely something there. Like, why did I choose philosophy? I thought I chose it because it would help me be a better legal reasoner. You know what I mean? But there was something far more to me choosing philosophy. So there were these inklings of it there, but I was just so not knowing who I was and just so hardcore focused on like, nope, this is what I'm doing, this is the thing I need to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And so these things that I actually was interested in and did in fact like, it's like I just like kind of shut, like, nope, that's not the thing.
SPEAKER_01You know, um, we all do that to a certain extent, right? We've this is part of our conversation, and we're both recognizing that. And I'm sure all the women listening here, um, and any men that are out there listening, we've all done this to a certain extent. And I I remember um I wanted to be, you know, I I was not as focused as you, but I wanted to be an entertainer and um I wanted to sing, and yeah, you know, it's a little bit of my personality, and it you just never know how it's gonna come out. And, you know, I I started off college as a nursing major and then was like, oh no, I think not. And um, and it turned out that I don't like giving people shots or inflicting pain on anyone. Um, and so I ended up in the music industry, um, which is in itself a monster, but at the same time, it was like a way to kind of sort of be tangentially involved. And what's interesting is that what I really wanted to do was just highlight other people and help other people and and raise other people up. And so finally here I am, come full circle at 55. This is what I do. This is how I actually raise people up and help them. So, this idea that we we do, I was reading self-help books at 17 as well, you know, but not as a child. And um, so you had it, you had one over me. Yeah. Um, but so when you went through this process of your of your own, at what point did you realize, wait, it's not just for me. I need to do this for other people. What was that moment that you discovered that this was kind of your mission?
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So once I started to realize, okay, these are why these things didn't work, and this is what does work, I started to watch my life transform, like all areas of my life, my relationships transformed. Um, my experience of life transformed, my experience of myself and of my body transformed. And I started to really experience this life as something so magnificent and so beautiful. And I started to experience that of myself, which seemed impossible before.
SPEAKER_01Because before you thought you were nothing.
SPEAKER_00Nothing.
SPEAKER_01So it was nothing, which like it's all of a sudden you're seeing your own beauty, and you're seeing yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's just like your eyes got opened. Yeah, it was just such a like, and I realized, oh my goodness, we can have such a different experience. It's available, but it takes something. It takes something because we've been trained away from it. We have been led to believe that we're someone that we're not, and we've been living from that place. And so it takes something to then do this. You can't just go and tell people, like, oh, you can have a different experience. It's like, but how? How do I do that? Right. And it does take something. And so so that happened. And so, and then I started to just kind of gradually start to work with other people and kind of convey to them these understandings that I had and see like what's happen what what happens? Like, what happens when I convey these understandings to other people? What happens to their lives? And I started to see, oh my goodness, their lives are changing as well. And so then it really started to become this like mission in a sense, because I was like, we have so many people who are living in these states of just like, uh, like, or these states of unhappiness, or these states of unfulfillment, or states like myself. I mean, I would come home from work at night, and some nights I would just like walk in the house and be completely dark. I would just lay on the floor. Like, I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm so unhappy. I am just, I feel so empty inside, you know, and I can't change it. I feel completely stuck, I feel completely trapped, I don't know what to do. Then even while I was working, I was trying things. I was working with different healers and different as much as I could, I was quite busy. And so I just was like, people don't have to go through what I went through. People can have a different experience, and there's a way that people can do it without having to leave their jobs, right? Without having to kind of take these steps that I took. Because one of the things for me was like when I first left my job and I'm trying all these different things, I'm working with all these different people, I'm taking all these different programs, and it was like, I felt like the thing, it was like I spent all day like trying to help or heal myself. And I'm thinking like, this is completely unrealistic. I, you know, most people are, they are so busy. They are like we have in a we live in a high pressure, fast-paced experience. Most people are really busy. And so I'm thinking, like, okay, so I can do this, right? I can spend all this time doing this. It wasn't working anyway, but I could spend the time. I thought it would work. But then I'm thinking, but what about all these other people? They don't have the time for this. And so really what I realized too is like, oh, we don't need, we don't need to do all those things. We don't need to spend all of that time. What we need is an understanding of who we are and how we function. And that actually doesn't require all that time and all these practices. And so, and so then I start to realize like I can bring this to people where they are right now. They don't have to do something like extreme like I did. And we can I can start to make change and they can start to have a different experience right where they are. And the other thing that kind of drove me too was when I was in that job, like this was like my dream job, right? Like I grew up in a small town, and so for me, like walking into this big building and being at this big firm, and like it kind of seemed like wow, this is like a it felt like a big deal to me. And so um, I remember I'd go into work and I'd see my colleagues, and I'd be like, Oh, hey, how are you today? And it'd be like living the dream, like this sarcastic.
SPEAKER_02Sure, sure, sure.
SPEAKER_00And I'm like, but I I want the dream, and I've worked so hard for the dream, and so have you. And I'm looking around at my colleagues, like I really respected them. I thought they were such exceptional people, they were so committed, they were so disciplined, and I just like saw in them just so much like brilliance and love and all the things, and yet here they are, like living the dream. It's like we can have like and it's like we're in their eyes, we can have so much more than this, and like why not? Like, what are you waiting for? Are you just trying to like get through this experience? Are you just trying to get to death as like safely as possible? Like, what are we doing here?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00And when we're in that state of kind of this numbed out, lackful, unfulfilled state, it's like one, we feel really bad.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But two, it's like, yes, I was benefiting people in my job, but I my position is the way I benefit people now is far, far, far greater. It's not even close. When you really tap into you and the energy that you hold and love that you hold, the creativity that you hold, and you start to express that, that's where you really benefit the world. And so I almost feel like we're living in these states of like just it's like one, you're not helping yourself. And then we see people end up in disease and you know, sickness and all the things. And then two, you're not benefiting the world in the way that you could.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, so Kara, do you have a leadership principle that kind of helped you step into this, other than I have to know there has to be something more? That sounds like your constant questions like there has to be something more. Almost like the little lawyer was saying, this cannot be the end of the of the of the road here. I've got to have, there's one more question to ask. But um, most people who reach a state of understanding how they can help other people, they have some kind of a leadership principle that they live by. Do you have one?
SPEAKER_00So, you know, this is a good question. I I I'm not, I think the the really the principle that I live by and that I do all the work I do by is that the people that I'm working with, they hold within them great knowing. Like they are their own leaders. Like I they don't, there's so much within them that they know. And I really had this kind of like this sense of like it's in me and I can do it. And so yeah, it's really uh this honoring of the knowing that other people hold and the power that each one of us holds within us, and our ability to really know who we are and be who we are with like within ourselves. You know, there's a level of like empowerment. What is what I'm basically saying is like you don't need all these things outside of you, it's within you. And what I am trying to, what I did for myself and what I'm doing for other people is tapping them into that power and knowing that they hold as opposed to them feeling like I need all these things outside of me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I need all these accomplishments, I need all these things on the shelf, and I need all these titles. Um and um what I hear in there too is a whole lot of humility because there is there to be able to say you don't need all this extra stuff, and I see in those, I see in you this ability to kind of know what you need and know who you are, and be able to, once we can figure out how to help you bring all of that up to the surface and be aware of all of it, then there's this humility of I don't necessarily have the answers for you, right?
SPEAKER_00That's right.
SPEAKER_01It's like I may not have all the answers, but um I know what I need, and you kind of know what you need, and and we'll figure it out together. And I think that's really beautiful. I hope I didn't misrepresent you.
SPEAKER_00No, that's perfectly stated. That is perfectly stated. I know that the people I work with, including myself, it's like we know what's for us, we know the path for us, we hold that within us, and we always have yeah, it's just a matter of tapping a person into that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So do you have a habit that you probab other than yoga, because that's quite a habit. Um, a habit that helps you stay in that mindset?
SPEAKER_00So for me, really, what it is is so yes, I do do yoga. Um, but for me, really, what it is is living in the way that I'm structured to thrive. And so we're we're all structured differently. And so it's like, well, well, who am I and how am I structured to thrive? And that is how I live my daily life. I really live it from a place of this is who I am and this is how I'm structured to thrive. And I really um honor that and guide my life by that. So for instance, there are like the way that I'm structured to thrive is actually I'm structured to thrive in a way where I actually don't do the same things every day. So some people are structured in such that like consistency really benefits them. I'm actually structured different than that. I'm I'm I'm a variable person. I like I like to have like a lot of variety. That's how I'm structured. So it's like part of me when I'm like, you know, getting up in the morning, it's like, well, what is this day going to be? It's kind of like, we'll see. I don't have this like very like, I've got to do this and I've got to stick with this and I've got to do that.
SPEAKER_01Which is on earth, were you a lawyer?
SPEAKER_00I know. I'm talking about someone who's totally outside of being who they are, right?
SPEAKER_01So, and I think some of us, you're probably gonna say, yes, that's right. Some of us may be like a hybrid of that. There are some things that I don't mind repetition in. But when I first went to my last corporate job, um I ended up leaving that first position within 18 months because I just couldn't handle the constant, it's like paperwork in, paperwork out, paperwork in, paperwork out. And it was an important job and it was very helpful to many other departments in the organization, but I could not handle that constant. I needed the variety of people. I ended up learning how to manage people. I ended up, but because I needed that on a daily basis. Now you ask me what I have for breakfast, it's the same dang thing every single day. Because then I don't have to think about it, right? Because there's like, yeah, but I love that um figuring out that's a really good habit to know who it is and how you need to thrive, because that that makes a difference.
SPEAKER_00Because I think a lot of people are like, so this is what I do in the morning, and this is what I do, and it's kind of like but that's yours. That's yours. Yeah, that's yours. Do you know what I mean? So my thing is really like understand you and then really commit to. I do believe in commitment, like commit to I'm going to live that way. So for me, understanding, like, oh, I'm a person who really thrives in variety. First of all, I was shocked when I found that out. Because I was like, I don't think so, you know. Yeah. But then once I realized it, I started to really like experiment with that and like, oh my goodness, variety really suits me. And so it's like, so yeah, I do a lot of variety even within my like my yogic practices. So I'm certainly committed to like meditating and doing things like that, but I do a lot of variety within that. So so yeah, it's really about knowing you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and and I think that you're right, we all know to a certain extent. Um, even when I work with clients on something very practical, like a disk assessment, understanding how we communicate and stuff with others, most people can tell me I need things that that dot. And then it shows up, and I'm like, see, we do know. So figure out what it is that works for you. Um as we kind of come to a close here today, um, two things. We always like to talk about green flags. Um, you know, we're the optimists around here. So we don't talk about red flags because everybody else talks about things we don't want to do, but especially in the way that you completely changed your trajectory in life. Um, I'm very curious to know how maybe it's how you work with your clients or how people can know, or other women listening, excuse me, could know that either the the type of changes you've made is something that would work for them, like if there's something they're looking for in themselves, um, or if it's like a major change that they need to make. So I'm not making much sense here. I'm sorry, I apologize if that's if I'm confusing you more. Um but uh green flags are things that we can see in ourselves, right? It's like how do we start noticing those and see what they are?
SPEAKER_00Okay, so this is a good question. So here's the thing there's a number of things. So there's a level of complexity here because we do hold within us great knowing and we do hold within us internal guidance. But the issue is how do we differentiate that from like subconscious beliefs that we're holding that we took on when we're a child? How do we differentiate that from collective consciousness beliefs? Right? And so it's like we we kind of we're in this situation where, you know, as a child, we took on these beliefs, and many of them are in the subconscious, so the subconscious is about, some people have said, a million times more powerful than the conscious mind. And so what's really pulling the strings for you, it's your subconscious. Right. And so it's like we've taken on these things and then they snowball, right? And then what happens is they basically create our experience, but then we look back and say, oh, but look, now there's evidence for these beliefs because my experience has moved them out, right? And so it's like we're trying to kind of cut through this like, what is me? What is these subconscious beliefs? What is me? What are these collective consciousness beliefs? And so there's a level of challenge to this. There's a level of challenge to like, how do I really differentiate these things? And so um, so I think the first thing to understand is um, first of all, we can make the subconscious conscious. And in the yogic tradition, what it means to be a conscious individual is to have made the subconscious conscious. That's it. So people think there's like this hot, this high kind of thing of being a conscious and it's not, it's making the subconscious conscious, it's understanding really what's really going on with you. Like what are kind of these thoughts that you're thinking that you're giving all this energy and attention to. Apologies if you just heard that. My my dog's laying next to me and she's just snorting away.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's lovely. I love it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she's she's always next to me, and she just is a big time snorter.
SPEAKER_01I have a beagle, and she snores as well. So and she'll she'll snort at all the time. No worries, we're good.
SPEAKER_00Um, so first we've got to kind of make this differentiation. Um, and so that does take something because we're so used to these beliefs. It's like we think they're us, but they're not. But so one of the things that I really say to people is like if you're if you're thinking thoughts, like thoughts are coming to you, or you're thinking thoughts, and those thoughts feel bad, there's untruth in them. And if you're thinking thoughts and those thoughts feel good, there's truth in them. So if we really want to look for like a green flag, if you're thinking a thought and that thought feels good to you, like it feels good to me that I'm beautiful, it feels good to me that I'm um kind, it feels good to like you know, there's truth in those thoughts. Our feelings are important and they give us uh some very important guidance and feedback. And especially, I think, too, as women, we tend to like look at these feelings as like you're being emotional and they're wrong and they're bad and they're off and they're leading you astray or whatever, and nothing could be further from the truth. They're very important and they're giving us very important information. And so, kind of one of the ways you can kind of parse through this stuff is like, okay, I'm thinking this thought that I'm unworthy and unvaluable. How does it feel? It feels terrible. Well, there's untruth in it. It's not the truth of who you are. I'm thinking this thought that I'm beautiful and that you know people love me. Well, that feels good. Well, there's truth in it, and so it can give us a level of kind of guidance as a way to start to kind of cut through this stuff.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, so if there was one piece of advice for people getting started in this journey, where's the one place to start other than coming to you?
SPEAKER_00So I would say, in whatever way you can, make you knowing you your number one top priority. Make it your top priority. Make it, it's like we make all of these things our top priority. We think all of these things are so important to do, right? And there is nothing that is going to give you what you want more than you being you. So in whatever way you can, make that your number one top priority.
SPEAKER_01You know, I can hear like everybody, this is my subconscious or my collective conscious, whatever. Everybody in the background is like, I'm sitting here going, yes, of course, you know that, because this is what I help people do as well. In a different, we use different modalities, etc. Um, but I hear my collective conscious knowing, this is bunk. You know you. And I'm like, no, actually, you don't. Yeah, right. It's like you have no idea. And I just have another conversation when you talk about the subconscious versus the conscious. Um, I literally, it's the subconscious is 90% and the conscious is 10%. Yeah. And what's crazy, town, is that the 10% conscious thinks that they're in control of everything, and the subconscious is in control of it all, laughing at us half the time. And um, so knowing you, I mean, we think of that as something. Now, granted, you're a philosophy major, and I love philosophy, but when you when we think of that, a lot of times it feels very impractical, but it probably is the most practical thing we can do.
SPEAKER_00The most practical thing, the absolute most practical thing. It is where your abundance is, it is where your joy is, it is where the relationships that you want are, it is where the, you know, the creative expressions in the world, like your job or whatever, it's where all of that stuff is. It's there. And it's not somewhere else. Anything else you do, and you're not operating from a place of who you are and you're not expressing you, anything else is going to pale in comparison. And the thing is, it's like you don't know what you don't know. So if you if you haven't already experienced that and you're just kind of accepting life as like, well, this is what it is, and I have all these things that I need to do and have to do and should do, um, and I can't take time to do this, right? It's like I just want to say to people from my own experience, oh my goodness, there's so much more, and it's worth it. And I have to say, I look back on my life, I considered staying in that job. I mean, I did. I thought like this is it, right? And I look back and I think, I could have missed this. Like, I could have missed all of this. What a travesty that would have been. I would have been safe, I would have made a lot of money, I would have continued to have prestige, and people would have looked at me in a certain way. But oh my goodness, that pales in comparison to the life that I'm leading now. It just pales in comparison. And so what I would say is like, even if it feels like like no, this isn't the most important thing, or it feels like a huge risk, or it feels like I shouldn't spend my time doing this, I would say try it. Take the risk. It's worth it.
SPEAKER_01Take the risk. I love it. Amen. That's amazing. Where can people find you, Kara? Where's the best place?
SPEAKER_00So my website's the best place. It's www.cara NicoleBitar.com.
SPEAKER_01And we'll have that in the show notes so everybody doesn't have to worry about how to spell anything. Um, and the one thing that we always close with, and I'm sure you're gonna have a lovely one here, is that we I want to know what's the one thing you can always be optimistic about, even when everybody else thinks you're crazy.
SPEAKER_00I think I can be optimistic about everything else.
SPEAKER_01And this can be as profound as philosophy or as silly as the snorting puppy. Whatever it is, what is it you can always be optimistic about?
SPEAKER_00So the thing that I am always optimistic about, yeah, is that I am love through and through, and this experience is love through and through, even when it doesn't seem that way.
SPEAKER_01It is even when it doesn't feel that way, right? This is when it's like we have to understand that the things that we know, there's certain things we know and um and certain things that we just have to walk through. And um, man, I'm proud of your journey. It's really exciting. And um, I'm excited to see I'm excited to know you, and um, I look forward to getting to know you better. And this has really been a delightful conversation. Thank you so much for sharing all of it. And um, is there anything that I forgot to ask?
SPEAKER_00No, I think I think we have this has been wonderful. I've so enjoyed talking to you. Thank you so much for having me and for all that you're doing.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you're welcome. This is gonna be, we're gonna, this is just the beginning, I can tell.
SPEAKER_00Yes, wonderful. Okay. All right, thanks. Have a good one. Okay, thanks.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I hate that I always say, what'd I tell you? But for real, what did I tell you? There were moments in her retelling of how miserable she was that I wanted to just reach through the camera and give her a big hug. But I know she's not alone. I've experienced some of those same feelings of utter hopelessness, and I didn't know what to do either. But somehow, deep down, I also knew there was something more. So I too got up and just kept persistently asking questions. That's what keeps us moving forward. What she called the knowing, that voice deep down that reminds you that you do matter. You're not only worth what you can contribute, you, my friend, are the contribution. That's what I'm all about here, holding out example after example of how the things that we've been taught, conventional wisdom, if you will, needs to be turned on its head, debunked. So, let's look at how Kara exemplifies the tenets of intentional optimism. Remember, we all live unique and different lives, and while what we do is different, intentional optimism is how we do what we do. It's the attitudes and mindsets that we employ and embody to live out our own goals and dreams with excellence. And they're going to look different in each person. Let's start with optimistic. As dark as things sounded for Kara, she was confident an answer was available. And now she proactively gives that gift to others so they don't have to go through what she did all on her own. That's a gift. Present, Kara realized that she was moving through life with no connection to the wonder and beauty inherent in even the small things. And now she can't imagine living life any other way. For energetic, Cara is completely life-focused. As a yogi, she's in daily practice of understanding her own wellness, and her programs help others uncover who they are and how to live within their own unique makeup. Courageous. Alright, I don't know many people who walk away from a career like that with no plan. She may not have felt courageous at the moment, but she was. She's also not reckless. She's clearly undaunted and willing to do what it takes to build her own resilience. For why? Well, Kara was and is willing to dig down and understand what's going on below the surface. That sets the stage for all kinds of wisdom, my friend. And intentional, Kara set herself on a path to discover who she is and is willing to experience new things and nurture change in herself and others. Kara is unconventional in her leadership because her passion to help others discover who they really are is a reflection of her core values of courage and persistence, which make her a great role model for every single woman who doesn't yet know she truly is valuable. Unconventional leaders lead at every level, in any area, using their unique gifts. Now, did you hear yourself in Kara's story? Or maybe even in our conversation. My friend, it is not too late to make a change. You're in there, I promise. Let's find you. To learn more about Cara or check out her programs, all of her contact information is in the show notes. Of course, all my information is in there too as well, so hop on my calendar for a 30-minute consultation and let's get you a strategy in place. And one last thing before I go, would you please share this podcast with a friend? It's always great to get a rating and a review, so don't skimp there. But the reality is that most people listen to a new podcast because a friend recommended it. Almost all of the podcasts I listened to were recommended to me by a friend or a colleague. And with limited time and attention, it's important that I listen to the ones that truly benefit me and my growth. So please, if this podcast has done that for you, maybe you know someone who needs to hear Kara's story. Please share. I would greatly appreciate it. You see, I like doing this work. It's part of expressing who I am. And I hope that that's coming across to you and that you're benefiting from me doing what I'm here to do. Until next time. Hey, thanks for spending your precious time with us today. If you love this podcast and find it to be uplifting and helpful, follow us or subscribe, then please take a moment and leave a review in one of those amazing five-star ratings. You can also snap a screenshot right where you listen, share it to social media, and tag me. This helps others find us and will have an even bigger impact. If you're curious what it would be like to work more closely with me, or to step up as an unconventional leader yourself, schedule a free discovery session and we'll chat. But maybe you're an entrepreneur looking for a support team. I'd like to personally invite you into my collaborative community, Launch from the Beach. It could be just what you're looking for. All of my contact information and all the links are included in the show notes. And don't forget, you can always connect with other intentional optimists in our Facebook community. You can follow my Facebook or Instagram page, or even connect with me on LinkedIn. Additionally, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, Optimistic Living. It's good stuff delivered straight to your inbox on a not so strict schedule, but always from the heart. Remember, unconventional leaders lead at every level, in any area, using their unique gifts. And you, my friend, are a leader. You are the future of leadership and the role models for future generations. Until next time.
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