Something shifted. You can feel it. You just can't name it yet.
Stand Tall & Own It is for women in the second half of life who are high-functioning on the outside and quietly disoriented on the inside. You built your life inside systems you trusted completely — until you realized you couldn't tell what was actually yours from what you'd just learned to navigate well.
Host Andrea Johnson doesn't offer formulas. She offers honest thinking, sharp observation, and the kind of conversation that makes you pull over and sit in your driveway.
Email me at andrea@theintentionaloptimist.com so I can be your professional encourager! ● Follow on Instagram @theintentionaloptimist ● Linked In Andrea Johnson
You're listening to Intentional Optimist, the podcast for unconventional leaders, where you'll find inspiration, learn to discover and develop your own strengths, and hear from inspiring women just like you who are making a difference in their community. Who knows? You just might find yourself stepping up as the next unconventional leader right where you are. I'm your host, Andrea Johnson, the original intentional optimist. Do you ever get compared to someone famous? There was a Facebook post circulating a couple of months ago asking you to share which celebrity you most often are compared to. Now, I don't always participate in this kind of fun, but for this one, I did. Y'all, I don't see it, I mean, at all, but people keep comparing me to Julie Andrews, and it's so humbling, yet it makes me so happy every time. She's a classy, talented, and stunningly beautiful woman. Plus, the holiday movie I could watch every year, which has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas, is The Sound of Music. There's something so inspiring about her character Maria and how she boldly defies the conventional stereotype expectations of the day that I find incredibly uplifting. I think she must have been one of the inspirations for the Disney Princess heroines, of which I pretty much like all of them. Her quest to figure out who she is and what she's supposed to do, all while staying true to her values and beliefs and serving others, is very much in line with all the tenets of intentional optimism. Now, Richard Rogers, in his typical brilliant fashion, managed to put into words in the song Confidence in Me exactly how I feel some days, as well as what I've come to understand as my own inclination to be positive and confident. Welcome to episode 31. Today we're talking about confidence. Now, being confident is the ability to see the glass as half full, understanding your purpose and direction, and that you're capable of figuring out what you need to do when you need to do it. And so often we equate confidence with bravado or arrogance, but that's not it at all. And I'm gonna illustrate this principle by highlighting some of the lyrics from that famous song that Maria sings on her way from the Abbey to the Von Trapp family home. No, I didn't develop this principle from the song, it just does such a great job illustrating it. I wish I could play it for you, but what I am gonna do is put it in the show notes so that you can play it now or when I'm finished. But I promise, you'll be inspired and entertained. Now moving forward into anything new is always scary, especially a personal growth journey. If you've never worked on personal growth, that first look in the mirror can be a little tough. It's like getting on the scale at the end of the holidays. No one really looks forward to it, but you need to be willing to do it in order to get a baseline for where you are and plan for where you need to go. So, how do we muster the confidence that knowing it can be done while not quite yet being there? How can you possibly jump into your own little sailboat of intentional optimism, knowing absolutely nothing about how to sail? Well, guess what? You're not alone. Should you decide it's your time to truly grow, knowing this could be the start of something new, something big, you can step right into this amazing community of intentional optimists that will support you, encourage you, and help you all along the way. Even though new things can be scary. Now let me illustrate this with the song. As Maria is leaving the Abbey, she wonders out loud, and I wonder all the time. She says things like, What will this day be like? What will my future be? It could really be exciting, and I should really be excited about this. What's wrong with me? She says, I've always longed for adventure, but here I am facing it. Why am I so scared? Don't we all want that answer? Don't we all want to know exactly why we're afraid of the things we really, really want? But then she launches into this beautiful, what we in the coaching community call a self-coaching moment. I'm gonna read it verbatim here. She says, Oh, I must stop these doubts, all these worries. If I don't, then I know I'll turn back. I must dream of the things I am seeking. I am seeking the courage I lack. Just because you have confidence doesn't mean you automatically have courage. And she's looking for the courage to serve. She wants to be able to face her mistakes without being defensive about them. And then she says, I want to show them I'm worthy. And while I show them, I'll show me. Now, one of the things I've discovered I'm really good at is helping others set and achieve goals. I've spent time focusing on my own, setting big goals and figuring out how to achieve them. And there are two main types. There's the big picture dream goals and the nitty-gritty gitter-done goals. You see, I do have the ability to see the big picture and sweat the details, which a friend helped me realize was not a contradiction, but a little bit of a superpower. So let's talk about those two types. First, big picture dreaming is essential to this particular equation. You need to be able to look out toward the horizon and think about where you want to go. If you don't take the opportunity to allow yourself a big dream, then every goal will eventually fall short of where you desire to land. Businesses do this when they set 10-year, five-year, annual, quarterly, and monthly goals. One of the most common acronyms for setting goals is SMART goals. That method is for the short-term ones, monthly, quarterly, even annual, and we'll get to that in just a minute. But big dream goals are a little different. Brendan Burchard calls them dumb goals. Dream-driven, uplifting, method-friendly, and behavior-triggered. Did you catch the acronym? Of course, it is purposefully opposite of SMART goals, and there's a reason here. Essentially, these are dream-powered goals. Working toward the things that move your soul and serve others. My dream is to build a beautiful global community that serves women in their efforts to achieve their dreams, to help you achieve what you want or need, to help you dream of those possibilities and move you forward. Everything else is drudgery. Your problems, challenges, and obstacles are things that can be overcome, I am certain. All the nuts and bolts that are required to put together your amazing future might be scattered across the floor in little tiny plastic bags with letters and numbers on them that supposedly line up with a piece of paper serving as an unclear key. Yes, I've built a lot of IKEA furniture. However, step one is the only thing you need to tackle. As long as you keep the big picture in mind, you can see where you're going. This is a dream-powered goal. Trust me, when you or anybody else think your dreams are too big, each step you take toward them will build your confidence. Each step gives you the courage to take the next, and eventually you find your 10, 20, 50 steps, or 31 podcasts right down the road. And that dream, that distant shore, seems closer and more attainable. SMART goals then fill in the spaces to get you to your big dreams. If you're not familiar with this one, SMART stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely. These goals are the individual puzzle pieces that you can put together because you can see where they fit. Kind of like starting with the edge pieces or all the pieces in one color or pattern. These are the individual steps that build your competence in the area where you're focusing and feed your confidence that you can then take the next step after that. It most certainly helps to have a decent dose of optimism as you head out on a personal growth journey, but embarking on an endeavor like this one requires a good deal more than a surface-level happy attitude. The more I work with clients, individually or in groups, I find many are missing the required presence of certain mindsets that both undergird and support that happy attitude. Things that make your sailboat, shall we say, more robust and seaworthy. There are three very real mindsets or ideas that I believe you need in order to take the individual steps that build up the momentum to help you reach your ultimate goals. These are what make up positive confidence in the optimistic tenet. Let me walk you through them. First, you need to be willing to see the glass as half full. Now some say you're born with this ability. I don't think so, of course. I think you choose it. But understanding that the world isn't perfect, the sun shines on the fortunate and the unfortunate, and rain isn't all bad, just ask my farmer friends. This is what intentional optimism is about. When you're willing to take the good with the bad and see both of them as ingredients for the full recipe, that's the half full part, then you have hope in what will come as a result. I don't promote a silly or frivolous unwillingness to see reality, folks, ever. That would be extremely counterproductive. But when you see the whole picture and choose to do something positive with it, that's looking at the glass half full. A couple of weeks ago, a friend shared an amazing TEDx talk by Alison Ledgerwood called Getting Stuck in the Negatives and How to Get Unstuck. Alison is a social psychologist, or as she calls herself, a professional people watcher. I know plenty of people for whom this is a very real avocation. She shares the science behind how easy it is for us to get bogged down in the half-empty of life, and how even if we have to work at it, seeing things with the half-full or the gain perspective changes everything. Yes, I've included that link in the show notes as well. Let me illustrate with a quick story. While learning to sail with my dad when I was a teenager at this wonderful beach on the west coast of South Korea, he would purposefully capsize the boat and insist that I write it all by myself. He would bob around in the waves, barking out instructions, while I wrestled with figuring out exactly how to leverage the centerboard and the sail to get it moving in the right direction, and then hopping back on board to finish out the motion. Yes, as a not quite five foot two inch tall girl, there were plenty of times I just couldn't get it. But eventually, I did. And each time I did, it gave me more confidence to handle the next one. This is like the life experiences and lessons that I've learned along the way that allow me to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. It's easy to forget them when I'm truly thrown off by something, but many times a memory will surface, allowing me to apply those lessons to the new situation. And each time that happens, my half-full viewpoint is reinforced. This is the philosophy with which I approach my own growth work and how I work with my clients. Many times it's understanding this balance that provides the exact encouragement they need to stretch for that next level. The second mindset you need is certainty. Develop certainty in your direction and your purpose. When you stretch and grow, you begin to foster a specific type of certainty and confidence in the overall sustainability and destination of your journey, and your confidence then grows. What an amazing cycle to be able to look back and recognize. When I zoom out from my boat, my own little journey, and see the dots on the map indicating the major obstacles I've overcome, the reefs and sandbars I've dodged, and how my course is either still plotted for my destination, or if I need to tweak that rudder to get me there. Now, if you haven't listened to my last solo episode, which is number 29, on purpose, you need to go back and listen. This can feel like a daunting idea or task, but it doesn't need to be. As I shared in that episode, my ultimate purpose is to live a life that is true to and glorifies God and benefits others. And when I live in line with my values and beliefs, that gives me a confidence and a certainty in my direction. Now the third mindset I think you need is that you have to believe you know how. You know way more than you think. In episode 28, Valerie Zarek and I talked about the aggravating statistic that women tend to only apply for jobs they feel 100% qualified for. And while I knew this statistic, I was literally surprised at the response this received in my community. Women, it seems, are just very prone to think that we have to prove ourselves before we can do whatever the thing is. But here's the best part. And listen to me, my friend. You have years of experience, wisdom earned, stacked skills upon skills that you haven't even quantified. I promise you have enough information to move, even if it's only one step at a time. Just find those edge puzzle pieces and separate them out. Pretty soon you can start putting them together. You have enough information to be able to move in your direction. You can always change direction if necessary, so move forward with courage because the further along you go, the more knowledge you can apply to the next leg. As Maria expressed it, I have confidence and confidence alone. Besides which, you see, I have confidence in me. Now, how do you apply all of this? Of course, as I like to say, start small. Nearly every goal strategy session I conduct involves taking a bigger goal or dream and breaking it down into smart little pieces. See what I did there? So here are four steps to incorporate the right mindset you need to develop your positive confidence. One, dream. Sister, you might not be a naturally born big picture thinker, but if you don't foster this ability, you will never develop it. This is one of those invisible muscles that really needs some good workouts to get it where you need it to be. It's okay to verbalize what you want. Of course, check it against your values and beliefs so that it's not way out of line or completely self-centered and selfish. And if you need to let Julie Andrews sing you into the ability to seek that confidence you lack in order to say, I want X and go for it, at least she'll make you smile. Just scroll down in the notes where you listen and click that YouTube link. Number two, consciously choose to see the glass as half full. If you consider yourself a realist, or worse, a pessimist or cynic, check out Allison Ledgerwood's TEDx talk on how to switch to a gain view if this is a challenge for you. Another way to think of it is to always be looking for a solution rather than just pointing to a problem. You see, no situation is unredeemable. Every result, whether we view it as good or bad, is just data for us to use when we reflect on feedback. The label we apply makes all the difference. So choose to apply a label that helps you see the situation in a positive light. Half full. Number three, pursue certainty. Again, this goes back to episode 29 talking about your purpose. For me, this certainty also shows up in my spiritual walk. I believe in a providential and involved creator who also cares for us. Therefore, my purpose lines up with that belief and lends a decent amount of certainty to my overall direction. Now, obviously, there's only so much certainty we can truly have because we don't actually see everything. But as we move forward, we receive that feedback I just mentioned, and we keep honing our vision and direction based on it, creating more certainty with each consecutive step. And number four, believe you know how. Do you need someone else to tell you? Do you need a disc assessment or a strengths finder or even to sit down with a friend or colleague to have someone else prime the pump for you to be able to start to see your skills? If so, you know where to find me, and I'll bet you have plenty of people in your circle that will do that for you. Don't discount wisdom and experience gained outside your traditional workspace either. If you've raised at least one child, or in the middle of raising a child, you likely have amazing problem-solving skills and perhaps nerves of steel. Sit down and make a list of the things that your friends and coworkers come to you for advice about. These are your strengths. They recognize them in you. And then you can figure out the next steps. You can pivot and change direction based on the feedback you receive. You really do know how. So what about you? Is it time for you to step out on a whole new adventure? What is your dream for the next 10 years? It might not feel financially feasible. It may feel crazy. Well, maybe it's something no one expects of you. Perhaps it's just stepping up your whole game a couple of notches. What do you need to do in order to make it happen? Do you have these mindsets in place? Are you ready to make a plan and improve your skills? Is your boat stuck on the shore? Or is it in the water, but right now you're just kind of floating along with the current, drifting wherever it takes you? Are you ready to be a participant in your own destiny? To get your rudder set, watching that point on the horizon? Perhaps it's time to get some help to reach those goals you set. Because you know what? Your boat's not gonna launch itself. It will sit right there on the beach all day long. This is like recognizing and affirming the six tenets of intentional optimism, which are optimistic, present, energetic, courageous, wise, and intentional, without applying them. It accomplishes nothing. Your boat or personal growth journey's usefulness is only realized when you place it in the water and get in. Once you do, things begin to change. Only in the water can you experience the exhilaration that comes from realizing and recognizing the power of a personal growth plan. So get the boat in the water. This is my specialty. I help you begin the journey, giving you the equipment you need. I help you launch from the beach. I've done this myself, many times all by myself. But I've had amazing sisters help me through the breakers out into the open waters where I can sail. The easiest place to start is our Facebook community, Intentional Optimists. We're building a community with a culture that helps us all learn to think and live with intentional optimism. We're encouraging each other and feeding our minds. We have a monthly book club focused on personal growth and development, and a new guest speaker series consisting of the amazing women you hear interviewed right here on this podcast. So join us. The link is in the show notes. And now I have a special surprise. I am now a Marco Polo channel's leader. And my very first channel is launching this week, Thursday, April 1st. And no, it is not an April Fool's surprise. It's real. It's a simple 30-day course called Uncovering Your Core Values, designed to empower you to move forward in your own direction based on the discovery and alignment of your own values. Your investment is just $20, and I've placed a link in the show notes to the information and application page. Can you tell I'm excited? This is just the beginning, y'all. Oh, the wind in our sails. Now, as always, thank you so much for your time today. On your run, your commute, or while you're getting ready, wherever you listen, please share this with another woman. I am certain you know somebody who could use this message or our intentional optimist Facebook community as a source of both example and encouragement. And as a very last favor, if you find this podcast helpful and encouraging, first subscribe and then take a moment and leave a rating in review. Your kind words and positive rating will help even more women find us. Until next time. Hey, thanks for listening today. If you're an intentional optimist and you love this podcast, please subscribe and leave a review with a five-star rating. You can also snap a screenshot right where you're listening, share it to social media, and tag me. This helps others find us and we'll have an even bigger impact. If you're curious what it would be like to work more closely with me, or just to step up as an unconventional leader yourself, I invite you to schedule a free discovery session and talk with me and learn more. Just email me at hand at the intentionaloptimist.com. If you're looking for an encouraging and uplifting community on Facebook, hop on over and join the Intentional Optimist Group, meaning encouraging women from all over the globe. The community and email links are right here in the show description wherever you listen to the podcast. Until next time, you are the answer. You are the future of leadership and the role models for the future of generational.
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