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Stand Tall & Own It
Something shifted. You can feel it. You just can't name it yet.
Stand Tall & Own It is for women in the second half of life who are high-functioning on the outside and quietly disoriented on the inside. You built your life inside systems you trusted completely — until you realized you couldn't tell what was actually yours from what you'd just learned to navigate well.
Host Andrea Johnson doesn't offer formulas. She offers honest thinking, sharp observation, and the kind of conversation that makes you pull over and sit in your driveway.
This is where the real work starts.
Stand Tall & Own It
Episode 72 - Recognizing Purpose Through Adversity with Sonia Frontera
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Sonia Frontera is a divorce lawyer with a heart. After surviving adversity in many forms: domestic abuse, divorce and illness, her mission is to empower people to turn their adversity into fuel for personal transformation. She shares the shortcuts from heartache to healing. Sonia integrates the wisdom acquired through her personal journey along with her professional experience as an advocate speaker and empowerment trainer.
Topics discussed in this episode:
- Recognizing purpose through adversity
- Leadership principle: You’re here for a purpose
Habit:
- Non-Negotiable morning routine of coffee, devotionals, meditation & to-do list
- Journaling
Green Flags:
- Sense of humor - being able to react to adversity with a cheerful attitude
- Persistence / determination
Advice:
- Listen to your intuition
- Don’t override that still small voice
- Start with baby steps
BONUS! 5 lucky listeners will win an ebook copy of one of Sonia’s books. Check out her website or Sonia's Amazon Page to pick your favorite.
Snap a pic of where you are listening and tag both Sonia and me, and you might win!
Where to find Sonia:
Website: www.soniafrontera.com & www.fronteralaw.com
Facebook: Sisters Guides - Sonia Frontera
Author Page: http://amzn.to/3cee2Jr
Twitter: @FronteraSonia
LinkedIn: sonia-frontera
YouTube: Sonia Frontera
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You're listening to Intentional Optimists, the podcast for unconventional leaders, where you'll find inspiration, learn to discover and develop your own strengths, and hear from inspiring women just like you who are making a difference in their community. Who knows? You just might find yourself stepping up as the next unconventional leader right where you are. I'm your host, Andrea Johnson, the original intentional optimist. Well, hello there, my friend. Welcome to episode 72. You know, I don't know many divorce attorneys. And honestly, up until now, I don't think I've known any. So when Sonia Frontera reached out to be on the podcast, I thought, hmm, this could either be a really bad fit or an amazing interview. Spoiler alert, it's the latter. You know, I am definitely not an expert at, well, many, many, many things, but I learned so much through this conversation. Sonia made that learning safe, warm, matter-of-fact, and very easy to understand. Look, I know I've been blessed with a fantastic marriage, as were my parents. But I don't want to live my life seeing things from my perspective alone. And Sonia does a beautiful job of bringing compassion and value to women who have been through difficult marriages or divorce. She calls herself the divorce attorney with a heart. And I don't think I can disagree. Now, though we come from different perspectives, our goals are very similar, to empower and lift up other women so that they can understand and see their own value and purpose, even through some of the most difficult experiences of their lives. This conversation will truly encourage you. So sit back, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and imagine yourself sitting around Sonia's Puerto Rican mother's kitchen table chatting with friends. Hello there, Sonia. Welcome to the show.
SPEAKER_02Hello, and thanks for having me on the show. I'm so excited to have this conversation.
SPEAKER_00I know I think this is going to be really good. Um I always kind of joke about how we talk before we hit record and some of the things we probably should have recorded beforehand, but you and I both feel like we're on the same page with how women need to move forward and empowering women. And I'm really excited to show your perspective and share your story and kind of give a different because my it's very different from my story. So this is one reason why I interview amazing leaders because I want to make sure that every woman hears her story in leaders and in people who have overcome and people who are doing amazing things. So for anybody who doesn't know you yet, why don't you give us a little bit of background and tell us kind of what you ended up, how you landed where you are now and what you do that we consider unconventional leadership.
SPEAKER_02Well, yes, um, I'm an attorney. I've been practicing law for 26 years. And um what I really enjoy most is empowering people. And when I was 24 years old, I got married and I discovered within 24 hours that I had married a psychologically abusive man. And that came out of nowhere. And in order to get myself out of the situation, I decided to empower myself and I went to law school and uh I started a new life from scratch as I was trying to exit this relationship. It was very difficult for me because I'm a Catholic girl. I was raised to get married and stay married. And then fast forward many years, my dream was always to be a writer. And I became disabled with migraine disabilities. I had to end my career as a litigator, and that gave me the chance to finally um start writing. And I figured divorce was one area where I could help others because I struggled with that decision. I struggled carrying it out, and I wish I had the guidance and the support I didn't have. And I would like to offer that to my readers and followers and also in courses. I have so many things.
SPEAKER_00So many questions. Number one, yay, good for you. Um again, this is not, I don't have that story. Um, I've been blessed. Um, but uh I have other stories that that other people consider hardships. But um, I am so interested to know. Um, so let's let's talk about unpack a couple of things. Um number one, I as a Catholic girl, right? I'm a Protestant girl, but it's like I shared we come from families that have long marriages and that's always celebrated. Um, what are some of the things that you had to overcome in order to be able to break yourself free from the situation?
SPEAKER_02Well, first of all, it was that issue, that cultural issue that, you know, we were raised to get married, stay married. Um, I grew up in the 60s and 70s where being divorced was, you know, highly stigmatic. And uh, you know, people would talk about that divorced woman, like the one who's gonna be stealing your husband. And, you know, it's an embarrassment for your parents. Um, so I struggled with that. And my family wouldn't have been supportive. And I didn't tell them my husband was abusive because actually at some level I didn't realize that what I was going through was abuse. Um, and because it was mostly psychological. Yeah. And uh the one of the biggest things for me was the faith. I'm a devout Catholic and I did not want to displease God. Um, my my faith was very important to me, as was my community of faith. And uh, you know, that would have meant not being able to remarry, not being able to receive communion, right? And and you know what, am I gonna burn in hell? You know, kind of thing. So it was very, very tough for me. And those were the biggest concerns.
SPEAKER_00I, you know, I as a I'm sitting here and taking notes, right? And it's like these are the concerns that we all express, right? I said, I'm a good Protestant and I'm I'm a good Baptist. And um it these are things that and I was raised in the 70s and 80s, right? I mean, I think we're probably very similar in age, and um literally the people who were divorced were failed, right? Something failed. And they they uh always had to like recover from a failed marriage. Well, I mean, I I think you would probably say there's recovery from every divorce, but um, there's a lot of questions that you ask women and ask them to take a look at that uh kind of indicate to me that um, and your situation most certainly would not necessarily be failed. Um, it was uh resurrection from if I can use that kind of term from a situation that could have been, you know, because psychological abuse can turn into physical abuse, you know, and that is very that is a proven statistic. And so it could have been something that became deadly for you and you managed to pull out of that. Um, so keeping it a secret, is that what you did? You didn't tell them for a long time? Did you, I mean, how did that work? Did you just kind of wait until did you work through the things or did you just wait until it was okay?
SPEAKER_02Okay, so that's a lot of questions. Let me unpack it, but let me start a failed marriage. I know. So we're unpackers. Yes. So let's unpack this one. You see, uh, first let me address the failed marriage because that is a myth. I am out there to debunk. There is no such thing as a failed marriage, it is a learning experience. And you and your spouse were put in each other's lives for a reason. And rather than feel like a failure, you just need to unpack those lessons that you received during this experience and build your life over from a position of clarity and power. So that's number one. There's no such thing as a failed marriage. And number two, for me, it was really hard because my parents, uh, my mom was very bossy, very authoritarian. And, you know, I hinted that I had problems in my marriage. And one time I did try to leave. And I had a friend because it was hard for me. Another thing that was hard for me was the lack of exit strategy. My family lives in Puerto Rico and I lived in New Jersey.
SPEAKER_00So you didn't have a place to be local, you didn't have your your little team there, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Right. And that's one thing that everybody needs to get out of a difficult situation. You need a support team, and I did not have that. Um, so my mom wasn't really supportive. And I didn't want to disclose after I decided I need to get out. I waited until I had already um gotten a lease in a new apartment and until I had gotten the divorce judgment filed. And that, you know, and and my mom is psychic. So this was this was kind of funny because I knew she would know something was wrong. And uh I said, Mom, I got divorced and I am moving. And at that point, what could she do? So she was very supportive and she came and she helped me move. And and uh she's like, I knew it, I knew something was wrong.
SPEAKER_00And and I'm sure that um as we grow and as we are able to share our stories, people I've no, I've learned this. People do come around and say, Oh, I had no idea, right? And and when do you find that that's like as you work with other people and women who come out of these kinds of situations, do you find that that is a little bit where their support system comes from? It's almost after the fact.
SPEAKER_02And it can be, and sometimes people don't even realize it, which makes it all the harder because sometimes people take sides when when you divorce, you know, they see, especially when it comes to an abusive situation, because abusers tend to be charming and they put on the charm on your friends and family, and they get you all rattled before you're gonna be with them, so that you're bitchy and cranky and you're the nut, right? Yeah. So for some people, they never have that kind of closure. Yeah, that's hard. Yeah, it is, it is, but I was lucky that my parents were supportive. Okay, and this was not a decision I made lightly. I'm a very um, very conscientious person and I don't take important things lightly. So I considered this very carefully before I went through with it. And I only agree with what you said before that these psychologically abusive uh situations, these abusive situations can't turn physical, and it did one time. And they escalate over time. And that's why it's important to recognize that when you are in an abusive situation, you need to take action and you need to get help. And most likely you need to get out safely.
SPEAKER_00Um, my husband is a pastor, and when we lived in Baltimore County, right outside of the city, and that's a huge city in the United States, right? I mean, it's it's huge. I mean, you're in Jersey, so that's not that far. But um we learned there, having come from Texas and the South, and where everything is hush-hush under the rug. Um not everything, but you know, that's kind of the that's the that's the what I grew up with was you don't talk about that stuff. And we learned in Baltimore County that um domestic violence was much uh, much bigger um of a cultural social issue than we ever imagined. And we participated in helping women get to shelters. I mean, they're several. Well, I mean, it and it's just a really even for those helping, it can be a very emotional experience and very traumatic. I mean, dropping a woman and a small child off at a shelter and saying, you'll never hear from us again. I mean, I'm a relater and a connector. That just does not work for me, you know. But at the same time, I knew that was we knew that was the best thing for her. So this is the kind of thing that people, maybe not in your shoes, people in my shoes need to hear that other people women need these support systems. We need to be involved and we need to care enough about people and believe women, right?
SPEAKER_02That's right. And and like you said, it's a very alarming statistic. There's it's it's a big problem, and it's actually one in four women and one in seven men. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And that was a thing that surprised us as well. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and and for pastors, especially, because you know, we tend to think of the sanctity of marriage and and how the bonds of marriage should not be ended. And very often women undergo spiritual abuse because the church does not support them. And I was very fortunate that the clergy supported me when they realized I was in an abusive marriage. Good. But not everybody does. Yeah. And I think pastors need to hear this and you know, more than that, understand the dynamics because they are very complex. And if you have never encountered this situation, like you're very blessed and you have no idea what other people go through. Yeah. So when you get a sense of what the dynamics are, how they work, and how they affect they affect the people in them, you can have a lot more compassion, a lot more clarity, and can make better decisions to support the people who are hurting in their marriages instead of sending them back to their abusers. You can send them to counselors who understand those dynamics and help them make the right decision and carry it out.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And you know, that's just really that's really important. And that's another thing we did is we were, we, we were in the network up there. We kind of plugged people into different places because my husband's not a counselor. He is not uh, you know, prepared or and and I am not necessarily equipped to handle those things, whereas there are people who are, and they're everywhere, and we just need to educate ourselves. Um, so thank you for sharing all of that. This is a really good understanding of the background of you then be now. Did you become a lawyer before you left, or was that part of your leaving?
SPEAKER_02I did before I left. And it's it's you see, the way it happened, and much of my life hasn't been by design, but by default. Okay. And when I was, I got married at 24. When I wasn't when I was 25, I had a job from hell, the boss from hell. I have never had a boss that bad ever again. And it was like a dead-end job. And I felt at 25, it was too young to be in a dead-end situation like this, where my life was collapsing in every way. And um, I recall my dad visiting, and he said, that's what happens when smart people have dumb, dumb degrees or dumb jobs. You know, he he was one of those people who believes you have to be a member of the professions. And he's like, So you should have gone to law school. And I did not go to law school right after school because I was tired from like had a very demanding uh program in college, but also because I didn't want to go to law, especially because my dad wanted me to. That's not what I had envisioned for myself. Sure.
SPEAKER_00If that's what our dad wants us to do, we're like, well, oh, what's the other direction? Yes, I wanted to be a writer. There you go. And you have. Yes, I love you. Yeah, we'll talk about that too. So, anyway, so you so you decided to go to law school.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and and that really opened up all kinds of possibilities for me because I was removing myself from that abuse situation. I was working full-time, I was going to school at night. So my contact with my husband was very, very limited. So it put a buffer between me and that toxicity. And it also empowered me because it gave me possibilities for starting over and very importantly, a new social network. You know, I was in school with other like-minded people. Yeah. And um, although I didn't have the support in the marital sense, I did have that stimulation and that fellowship in school that was very, very powerful and very helpful.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, it's you're you're trading one community for another, or the community that you thought you had, or that you needed for a community that actually was what you really needed.
SPEAKER_02That's right. And that's why I like to um counsel women who are going and going through uh the divorce decision or unhappy, unhappy, unhappy marriages, that the best way out is to empower yourself through self-awareness, self-expression, and self-care. And the self-expression, becoming your best self, living on purpose is very empowering to create a life on your terms. And that's what I did, and that's why I encourage everyone to do, not necessarily go to law school, it's not for everyone, but find what it is that makes you tick and go for it.
SPEAKER_00And this is where we have the exact same message, right? This is where for me it was I hit 50 and said, whoa, wait a minute. Nope, this is not where I want to be. And I mean, I had several spots along the line, but I wasn't quite ready to be an entrepreneur. I wasn't, I didn't think a coach was a job, you know. I mean, it's all those things. And so for us, we have that same message to women. When you care enough about yourself to empower yourself and discover what your strengths and your dreams are, there are many times you will find out that they will fit within, like for me, I'm again blessed. It fits within my my life, right? It's like my life is changing. Don't get me wrong, because I quit my job and that kind of thing. But at the same time, I do have a spouse who's very supportive in that area. Um, and he's willing to personally grow right along with me. And some women will find that, and some women will find I I've had other friends who have started a similar journey, and it was that was the end. And sometimes, and you know, I don't think uh there's and I want to make it clear to anybody listening here. I don't think that any of our discussion is a celebration of divorce, right? Not at all. Yeah. Um, and what do you say to people when they I'm sure some people will come to you with that, correct?
SPEAKER_02Some people are resistant, just like I was resistant. And I'm not pro-divorce, I am pro-awareness, pro-clarity. We need to understand why we are in these situations, how we ended up in them, and and try to see if the relationship is salvageable.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And I guide people through that query, that journey, so they can make that decision on their own. Is this marriage viable? And to take the steps to make it work if they can, come to terms with the fact that they can't save it if it can, if it can't be, and the fact that they can both rebuild their lives because you're really not doing anyone any favors by staying in a relationship where people are not happy, not loving it, not supporting, because the whole purpose of marriage is to make you better, is to you know flourish. Right. It's like like the sum of the parts, you know, it the what you achieve as a couple, co-creating is greater than what you can achieve individually. But to the degree that someone is hurting you, to the degree that someone is preventing you from being your highest self, the person you were brought to this planet to be, it is not a good thing for anyone.
SPEAKER_00Right. And, you know, I I say it over and over that we were create, I believe, and you probably fall into this category as a Catholic, I believe we were created specifically on purpose by a loving, caring creator who is involved in our lives and wants to help us and has specific, wonderful things for us to do. And if we don't try, if we don't look at what those things are and we don't develop into who we can be and mature and grow. And you know, there's all this, all kinds of like be my best self. It's like, whatever. If you could just just be you, just be you, right? Let's start with just be you and then make it and then then let's say, oh, just be me. Uh wait a minute, what does that mean? And I can from personal experience tell you that that is a life changer alone. Right. So when you do that within your job or your marriage or your family or whatever, I mean, there's just it's it's going to change you and it's going to change everybody that interacts with you. And sometimes that's good. And sometimes they're not willing to do it. And um, then you have decisions to make. I love that you walk them through a query, through a journey. I love how you do that. And I hear from you that it's most important that the women are empowered that you work with and that they find ways in which they can actually be that person that they were created to be.
SPEAKER_02That's right. And and you just nailed it. And this is something that I had been thinking through my entire life. All I want to be is me. You know, I'm here to be me. We are here, like you said, we are here to express ourselves. We are expressing God as us through, God expresses through us. And to the degree that you are limiting yourself, you're limiting the power of God to express in the world, you know, and you're saying no to a mission that's there, that is powerful, and that only you can fulfill. That is your destiny, that is your job. And it is really important to come to terms with that. And that's why it's important to get to know yourself and find out what are those talents, what are those gifts? And it is different for everyone. You don't have to be what your parents told you you should be, or what society tells you to be. You know, we are unlimited beings. We can just create our lives, but we need to believe that in order to create it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I just sit there going, yay, yes, yes. Um, I mean, it just I think this is just such good stuff because we as in the um in the evangelical space or in the the Christian space, a lot of times we just are afraid to be that, right? It's considered selfish. It's considered so um, and I think that it that's really not what the Bible teaches. So before we go down this theological rabbit hole, um, let's come back to bring it on. We can specifically talk one day about that. Um, but let's talk you again. You serve specifically, do you serve men and women or just women?
SPEAKER_02Men. And let me tell you something. Um, I wrote my first book, Solve the Divorce dilemma. Do you keep your husband or do you post them on Craigslist?
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh. I have to tell you when my producer and I were looking through guests for this next year and talking about how we were like who we're going to do. She kept, she highlighted that. She kept coming back. She says, We have to interview this woman. I need to know about this book. Not that there's anything wrong in a marriage. She's this the title is hysterical. So please elaborate.
SPEAKER_02So and and by the way, my editor was fuming. She hated the title and she wanted, she didn't want me to have it. And I'm like, it's provocative, you know, as a first-time author. You need to put yourself out there. And so men started reading it. Men started reading that. Men were reading the book and right and saying, oh, this book is great, but you know, it's for women and it's too biased. And it's like, what kind of examples I'm going to give? I'm a woman. I'm, you know, it's it's it's you know, it's about husband examples. So I created a second book um to address that because there was a need. And in in the publishing industry, they think that you have to niche down and not um not make your audience too big. So they said, no, it has to be women. And but men were interested, and men expressed that need and that desire to deal with these very same issues. And I created, you know, an um uh gender neutral version of it. And I work with men and women, and I'm finding that when you have people who are looking to bring out their best selves, who are looking to grow, who are intentional about it. Yeah, it goes both sexes. It's not just women. So I work with anyone, and I have even done it like in live programs where we have men and women, and it's it's amazing what happens.
SPEAKER_00Now, you said life programs. So I noticed you're a certified Canfield and success principles trainer. Can you tell me a little bit about what that means?
SPEAKER_02Um, Jack Canfield, for those who are not familiar with him, he is um one of the co-authors of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and the success principles, uh, which is it's it's a roadmap based on um the knowledge and and the tips from people who are very successful. And so I have been trained to provide that same training uh to other people. And uh it essentially helps you go from where you are to where you want to be. And it's it's it involves queries like that and different exercises. It's a wonderful program, and I loved it. And whenever I was having like a hard time, I would like go through it. It's very upbeat and cheerful. So I give those programs in addition to creating my own, because I like to create my own stuff.
SPEAKER_00Well, you're also an author, and I think it's so interesting because what I'd like to do is ask you the question, like start getting to these questions that we ask every guest. And I'm interested to hear where it's going to land on your actual story, but your earliest leadership memory, like when you look back now, you probably didn't recognize it then. But if you're looking back, how far back can you go to say, you know what? I think that was my first leadership memory.
SPEAKER_02I think as a child, I think I think when I was 12, and and this is not like, and and I like to redefine leadership. I think we we tend to look at leadership in terms of what you do in corporations or being the class president. Right. And and I'm not. Um before someone coined the term, I was a servant leader. You know, I and I was raised, you know, like the Puerto Rican mom just raises you to be polite and to jump in and to help out. And that's the kind of leader I am. And even though this didn't involve like a group of people, I think my first leadership role was when I was 12. The lady who made my cakes had a wedding. She was doing her the wedding cake and wedding, you know, food for her niece was getting married. And something happened that all hell broke loose. And at 12 years old, I just rolled up my sleeves and I just took over and I started like preparing the trays and stuff like that. You know, and and I helped someone who was in a very difficult situation because imagine it's your wedding. And this is back when people had home home weddings, you know, kind of thing when you prepared your own stuff. And I wasn't even involved. I wasn't, I didn't know the bride, I didn't know anyone, you know, in the wedding other than the lady who's making the cake. And I was able to jump in and help out. And that's the kind of leader I am where I see a need, I jump in, I help out, and I get other people involved. Because I think the important thing is to get others involved so that we can create value for others so we can make things better for the world. And we can't all be president of the United States. We can't all be class precedents, we can't all be the parish priest.
SPEAKER_00No, thank goodness. Um, sorry, thank goodness to all of those. Um, but I love this story and I love that you've turned it or that you see it in um in the through the lens of community, um, because that's my thing. And so that just really resonates with my heart. But to be able to say I help someone in a time of need, because you know, a lot of women think that um that they're not leaders because they do exactly what you described, right? Oh, I didn't lead anybody, I just stepped in and took over, like, I mean, like, let's just say we took over like the general and we did all this stuff and just whipped it all out. And they don't see that as a leadership trait, right? They don't see, and my tagline is always we lead with our own skills in our own unique ways, wherever we are, right? And as a 12-year-old, you were in a situation, you saw a need, you jumped in. And a lot of women just do not realize that jumping into a leadership position, even if it doesn't look like one, is actually leadership. So that is beautiful. I love that.
SPEAKER_02Um, we need to think about that in terms, and it can lead to other opportunities.
SPEAKER_00You never know. Um, so what I also like to do is to find out did is this something that you kind of recognized then, or is this something that you're looking back on?
SPEAKER_02I'm looking back on that. Yeah. You know, I I I don't I don't believe that we are trained to spot leadership where it really is. We are very narrow in the in the way we define leadership.
SPEAKER_00I'm working to fix that.
SPEAKER_02I'll be there right alongside you.
SPEAKER_00Because we are not trained to spot leadership right where it is. And um, sorry, I have to have to have to write that one down because it's a really good quote. Um, and that's part of what I want to do here. And I think this when we talk about empowering women, I think that's part of what it is, is teaching women to recognize they are leaders, teaching us to recognize leadership right when it happens, right in this situation, and being able to say, Oh, I can do that, right? And so as you look back, it I can see it. Do you feel like that that particular incident or happenstance or stepping up into leadership has shaped your mindset and how you're a leader today?
SPEAKER_02Yes, and I have to say, and that's that's I ended up in the vestry of my church, the Episcopal Church, um, because I was the one who would jump in when there was something at the church. And I was invited to be on the board of the church for that reason. So you we need to recognize that, you know, it's it's it's it opens the doors, it's like a portal to doing more.
SPEAKER_00It does. And just and it's not even well, what I keep telling women is you don't need to look like a man, you don't need to sound like a man, you don't need to have um, or even just the the typical leadership, you know. I mean, um, or the that model of the six foot two blonde-haired, blue-eyed MBA, right? It's like man or woman from Harvard, from Havid. And you know, it's just I don't, you don't have to have that. You were given the ability to lead. Everyone can lead. If you're shy, you can lead. If you're extroverted, you can lead. If you are um um, I don't know, if you're really sensitive, you can still lead. People need sensitive leaders. It's just we just have to find our own areas and our own strengths, and like you mentioned that earlier. So um, you learned some great lessons from that. And I love the fact that you said it. It's like a portal. Um, it's it's a portal opening up to all kinds of opportunities. Now, when was it? Because you can look back on that now, but when was it in your life that you actually recognized, hmm, wait a minute, I I have a mission here? Because you used that word a minute ago too, and that's what I wanted to come back to. Is I have a mission here and I am gonna do this. What was that what was that realization moment like?
SPEAKER_02Oh, for for me, it was very eye-opening. And it was, and again, I have never gravitated towards positions of leadership, traditionally defined leadership. Yeah. And um, for me, it was when I decided I was going to write a book and I said, I want to help one person at a time, even if it is one person at a time. I wish someone had done that for me. And and it was very powerful because I made that commitment. And and once you make that commitment, then you're unstoppable. You know, it's all about deciding this is my purpose, this is my mission, and it has value, and I need to pursue it. I love that.
SPEAKER_00Were you gonna say something else? No, no, that's that, you know, that I'm sure you could. I mean, I think I think we could probably go for four hours. Um, but being able to say, I want to help, right? That's kind of my story as well. I five years ago, you know, my husband said, Well, if you don't want to do what you're doing, what do you want to do? I said, I just want to help people.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00And when we say those kinds of things out loud, so many times we think, well, that's not a job, that's not a mission. You can't just help everybody. Well, no, maybe I can't help everybody, but I have skills and I have um and I have abilities and I have my own strengths, and I can figure out how to use those to help other people. So you decided that when you so was writing a book, this goes back to your childhood dream, right? Because you wanted to be a writer, and evidently you did your undergrad in that.
SPEAKER_02Is that what you did? Yes, I went to journalism school and uh my dad said no BS major, so I had to do a dual major for him to pay for college.
SPEAKER_00You know, our parents just want to protect us, you know.
SPEAKER_02No, and I agree, I'm glad he did.
SPEAKER_00So I read a book by Tanisha Jackson Warner called The Big Stretch. And if you haven't read it, it's a good book and it's all about dreamers, and it's all about her dream factory. And um, she said there's different types, and some of them are CEO dreamers, like they just want to be a CEO or they want to be a CEO entrepreneur, they they might have a mission that um that is a nonprofit. But one of the things she talks about is the the hard part is what she calls um your dream bullies. And she said, these are not the people you expect, these are not the people who look at you go, you can't do that. That's just you know, you can look at those people and say, Oh, come here, watch me, right? Or oh, sure I can. It's the people who say this is hard. I'm not paying for a degree if you don't have at least this type of degree in there that you can get a job with, or you know what I'm saying? And so she she recognized that her grandmother was her biggest dream bully. And it's not that they are interested in bullying us, it's that they are scared for us and they want us to be safe, and so they do these things to help us be safe. So being able to recognize that that's what was going on is really important.
SPEAKER_02Yes, it everything in life boils down to awareness, and that's one of my biggest messages awareness, awareness, awareness. And when you recognize that even within that context, you can have a degree of choice. Because for me, I said, okay, fine, because I could have gone for college for free in Puerto Rico, but didn't have a strong journalism program. I decide to go the extra mile. It's like, okay, fine, I will do this. And I was able to do it. It was a lot of hardship, but in the in in the end, it kind of paid off because I didn't think I was gonna pursue the root of journalism. And and the the corporate career was probably a good move for me at the time, and it was part of the journey. So we need to recognize that certain things are part of the journey, they're part of our learning, and they're gonna take us to where we need to be. And sometimes having that little bit of resistance just you know brings more resolve from us. So it's all in the in the awareness of the process and where people are coming from and discerning when people are trying to destroy us and are not supporting us, the emotional chupacabras versus the people who are trying to protect us.
SPEAKER_00So I have to tell you, I actually know the chupacabra, and um I love that Puerto Rican reference. Um, and just as a side note, um, Puerto Rico is the place that I keep telling my husband, I said, can we please go there for vacation? Can we please go there for vacation? I um my producer and I went on a cruise a couple of years ago, and my favorite stop was Puerto Rico, and um, it's just gorgeous. And the people are just, and this was right after Hurricane Maria. And I know, and and the people were so gracious and so kind. And I mean, we were there for a morning, right? And um, so I was disappointed that we couldn't go on some of the excursions and that kind of thing. But um, I even wore some jewelry yesterday that I had purchased there. And I'm like, I need to purchase more of this. Oh my god, it's the best place to buy jewelry. I know, and the the it's so beautiful. Do you get back there very often? I'm going next week. Good for you. I mean, it's just so pretty. And um, so I'm sorry, that was just a lovely little side note. It's the one place because I can't get my husband and my son to get passports. I grew up overseas, right? So if it's normal for me to have a passport. Oh, you don't need a passport to go to Puerto Rico. To go to Puerto Rico, you don't need a passport. Puerto Rico, you don't need a passport. So um real ID. I know it's like we already have just real ID. So I said, you know, that's that's that's the US, right? We can go. So hopefully we will go. When we do, we'll we'll let you know, and you can tell us exactly where to stay, what to do, and where to go and who to meet. But I love that um the chupacabra. That's this is that's a that's a mean little monster, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean, and it's mythical, yeah. It's mythical, it does not exist. And that's what happens. We are giving our power to others, yes, their myth and their power over us is is a creation, it's it's fiction.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and we do that all the time.
SPEAKER_02Oh, we do, we're conditioned to do that.
SPEAKER_00Sure. I mean, it's it's any anything that that is like that, we do that too. So let's actually talk leadership. I mean, we've sort of been talking leadership um uh already because that's kind of who we are, but uh as a leader, as someone who purposefully empowers others and is on clearly a personal growth journey on a daily basis. Um, what is the one main leadership principle that has kind of helped you step into this bigger place of service? And why is it important and how do you apply it?
SPEAKER_02I think the most important thing is to realize that you are here for a purpose and that that is a purpose you give yourself and that it is it it's uh it falls upon you to pursue it and and to make it grow and to make it useful. And and uh and again, it's entirely on your the balls on your court, and you really need to make that commitment to to that leadership role, realizing that it may not look like what other people are telling you it has to be, because I don't see myself as an influencer or or anything along those lines, but it's it's that understanding that if you commit to that process, to that end result, the way is going to open at the right time. I'm very much into you know that divine design. And and I I believe that things will unfold in perfection, and you just need to be ready for that opportunity, every single opportunity. You need to be on the lookout for the opportunities to serve. And when they do come up, pursue them with a passion.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, don't let them go, right? No, I kind of envision being like at heading towards crossroads, like every day we're heading toward a crossroad, kind of like when Joe versus the volcano at the end of the movie where he's like standing at this crossroad in the middle of nowhere. It's like that's really not how it looks, but that's a good visual for people. But to say, I'm preparing myself on this road so that because I know I'm coming to a crossroad, that's gonna happen. That's just how what life is. And so when I get there, like you said, take advantage. It's if I come to a crossroad and this amazing opportunity is going that way, I need to be ready if I want to jump on that, right? And um be ready if it's a a service or if it's an opportunity to grow. I think that's really, really good. Um, you said you had the support of your community when you like the like-minded people in your law school and that kind of thing. But now as you step further into like you're you're you've left, you've left actually litigating law. Um, I can't imagine that it wouldn't cause me migraines, and I don't mean to belittle your migraine, your migraine disability. But I wrote that down. I'm like, yes, litigation would bring me migraines. Um, but now that you've left that and you're a writer, um, who is it that is in your support group that has kind of helped you step further into this more clear mission that you have?
SPEAKER_02You know, I I have a coach that I work with whose specialty is special sales marketing. And he loved my book. He believes in it, and he wants me to get it out in a different way, not the traditional way. And I'm an outside of the box person. And to me, this has been really transforming because I'm positioning myself, like you say, to be ready for that opportunity, to be able to bring that in a corporate setting where it can reach more people and have a bigger impact and be ready to translate. And and I love to quote um Earl Nightingale, who says, Luck is when opportunity meets preparedness. Yes, he did. And you know who said that first?
SPEAKER_00Oh no, it was not his. I think it's Aristotle. Really? Yeah, I'll have to look it up. Um, but when I, you know, whatever, because on social media, when I put quotes out there, I always like go, I go to Google and I go see who said it first. Cause a lot of times I'll find it. It's like attributed to somebody, and then I'll go to it. It's like, no, no, no, this was actually Aristotle, or this was actually, oh no, it was Seneca. That's who it was. Seneca. So that's that's good to know.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but that's where I first I first heard it on Earl Nightingale.
SPEAKER_00And if you haven't listened to Earl Nightingale, I have a friend who has introduced me to Earl Nightingale and I love him. Classic modern coaching. Class, I mean, that's who all of modern coaching is based on, and so incredibly helpful and thoughtful. And he has that voice that is just so nice. I know that radio voice. It's that radio voice. I know. So check out Earl Nightingale, but I believe I believe actually that I'm sorry, I love random facts sometimes, but I think Seneca said it first, but it's still a fabulous quote. And Earl Nightingale said it over and over and over. So it's true. There's no real luck. You have to be prepared. Even little things like, you know, making sure that as an entrepreneur, my bank accounts and my bookkeeping is all set up, ready for money to come in. Right. I don't just like go, I hope I get some money and then oh, I have no place to put it. You have to be prepared. There's a certain amount of that that really, really needs to happen. So you sound like somebody as a preparedness person. Um as we nurture healthy growth mindsets, um, a lot of times we need habits or rituals. What is one habit, behavior, or ritual that kind of helps you stay present and on top of your goals or pointed in the right direction?
SPEAKER_02For me, my morning routine is it's it's a non-negotiable. I can't deviate from it. I like to sit, have my cup of coffee, and um read my devotionals and and do a little meditation so that I can clear my head. And when I feel more centered, that's when I start planning out my day. And I start, you know, developing uh a list of things to do every single day so that I can focus on what is truly important because there's so many things you can get pulled into so many different directions that if you don't prioritize, then you're gonna you're not going to nor you're not going to achieve your goals. So that for me is was one of the most important things. And another one is journaling. I really love journaling because it helps you keep track of what it is that you want to do, where you've been. You can look back and under and see how you have faced the different challenges, how some challenges keep on repeating themselves. So you can learn to either do things differently or realize that you have the strength and the resilience to get through any hurdle that comes your way.
SPEAKER_00I love that. Um, it's we have the same morning routine.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_00We have the same morning routine. And I literally I was like, yep, coffee checked. Devotionals, check meditation. For me, meditation, I do some breathing exercises. Um, uh, I don't know what meditation would uh involve for you. Um, do you have any specific practices that you do?
SPEAKER_02I am more of to me, I it's more being in the silence. I'm a contemplative by nature. Yeah. Yes. And and once I I discovered that from a religious standpoint, I just like to abide. Yes, yes. Abide with God. Yeah. And you know, ideas come to you, um, that sense of peace, that nurturing. And it's not like I sit there, you know, chanting. And no, to me, it's just like being in the silence.
SPEAKER_00Sure. I I have another friend who she says, I just got still and quiet.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00And I just looked at it and I'm like, what does that mean? I am not necessarily a contemplative. Um, but that's okay. Part of that is knowing yourself, right? That's right. You said early, be you, know you. And um, so for me, I know that my brain is like got this. I'm an Enneagram six wing seven. So I've got this constant going in my head and constant thoughts. And so for me to be able to even just my Apple Watch has been the best. So I just say, Yep, I'm gonna breathe for a minute and then I'm gonna breathe. I may do it five times before it's like I just that's when I can find that quiet. That's when I can actually focus on nothing else. And um, so it's really nice to hear from a different perspective, somebody who that's where you just abide and you resonate, and you just kind of to me that feels a little bit like a hammock.
SPEAKER_02I love hammocks, yeah. And I'm a seven-wing six.
SPEAKER_00Oh, no wonder we're so similar. No wonder we really resonate. Um, I'm learning all about it. And you know, here's the thing. Um, I didn't realize that sixes were, I've always considered myself the underdog champion, but I didn't realize sixes were so interested in helping the underdog. And I always thought I was a seven, but none of the there were some things in a seven that just didn't really resonate with me. I'm like, I nope. Um, so I'm learning a lot about that and learning so this is just one other piece. It's like another friend of mine says, this is all just language that we use to kind of fill out the whole picture because I'm also a behavioral analysis consultant in the disk method. So I understand disk and behavior and comp uh communication. I did my Myers Briggs first when I was really young, and so I know all of these things and they kind of they kind of help me understand who I am and not kick myself for not being able to just sit and abide.
unknownRight?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, compassion, self-compassion is so important.
SPEAKER_00Yes, to be able to say, this is who I am. And so, you know, for my listeners, I want to make sure you understand the the tips we give in these type in these areas of the interviews are for, you know, again, you to find yourself in the story, you to find yourself in the tip. Oh, maybe that's something I am that kind of person, I can do that. Let me try that, you know, try something new and see if it really resonates with you because that's the whole point here. The whole point here is to showcase every single possible woman that we can to show every person that's listening or watching that you too are a leader. You too can have a morning ritual or a morning uh routine, right? It just depends on what you call it. Um, and you know, for you it might be tea, for you know, somebody else, it might be yoga. Um, I talked to a lady the other day and she's like, Oh, it's like totally the morning workout. Yes, I mean that's very powerful.
SPEAKER_01I wish I could do it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I used to. I need my coffee now. Yeah, now it's like actually my coffee's made the night before. And if for some reason my husband didn't my yeah, well, it's set up to like brew in the morning. It's like that pay the five dollars extra and get a coffee machine that has a preset so that you can actually set it up at night and it's ready for you when you get up, right? That's I'm all about efficiency. And for some reason, every once in a while my husband will for you notice it's not my responsibility. My husband will forget to do it and I'll come downstairs and he'll be like, Oh, I don't like that look on your face. I'm like, there's no coffee. So I get it. Coffee first thing. First thing. Um, so one of the things that we also like to look at here is what we call green flags. And um, you are because you're big on empowering women and that's your mission, um, there are probably things that you have recognized in yourself that if someone else saw those in themselves, so traits or some behaviors or or um ideas or passions that they might say, Oh, I could actually make a change or I could actually make a difference by seeing those flags. What might those green flags be? Maybe looking back in your life, what you saw and now what they could see.
SPEAKER_02I think what people would notice about me first is my sense of humor and the fact that I react to adversity with a cheerful attitude. Um, and that is really, really important. I agree with you. We are mirrors of one another. And we see ourselves in others, and we can see what we can be when we see what others have accomplished. So the fact that I have embraced all the adversity in my life and turned it into a life lesson and an opportunity to serve others, I think is really powerful because anyone, I mean, we all face adversity in life, not the same kind of adversity, but we all do. And it's really important to see then that you know what, you can get through this. And it doesn't have to be a doom in your life, right? So I think that is is one of, you know, one of the biggest green flags and my persistence. I am so persistent. And and you know, sometimes I don't see like how I achieve things, or I don't think that sometimes I'm down and it's like, oh, I don't think you know things are working the way I want. And then people see it's like, oh my God, do you realize how much you do? You know, so people can perceive the fact that I'm always trying, I'm always doing, and I don't give up easily.
SPEAKER_00So you're determined. Yeah, yeah. We call that undaunted around here. It's like you do, you're not, that's part of courage, is that you live undaunted. You're not the the hard things don't get you down. Um, so if somebody can so if a listener can today say, Oh, you know what? I actually can, I have a pretty darn good sense of humor. And I, you know, but um, and I think I can grow and I I do accomplish more than I realize. What are some pieces of advice, even if it's just one, that you would give to somebody who's ready to kind of make a change and to step into whatever it is their mission is? Or if for some reason they are in a situation that they need to get out of, it's okay to go in that direction. What is a piece of advice that you would give to somebody today who actually could see these green flags and say, Oh, it's time to make a change?
SPEAKER_02The most important thing is to listen to your intuition. Okay. You need, I'm I'm highly intuitive. And when you need to learn to trust it, you need to learn to tap into it to quiet down and let it start bringing the answers. And when you start relying in in your intuition, that still small voice within, you are going to be guided along the way to make the right decisions and to take the right steps that will take you to whatever is the goal you have uh or the mission you have created for yourself.
SPEAKER_00It's so important. I heard you say you have to trust.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_00Surrender and trust. Yeah. And you know, a lot of times, especially in the religious environment, trust does not mean trusting me, right? Um and there's this dichotomy of the good and the bad. And so uh a lot of times we're taught that the only that the only thing that comes from me is bad stuff, and the only thing, so I have to trust God. Well, He lives in me and He created me. And he you use the also the term the still small voice. And um, I think we're not trained, just like you said, we're not trained to see the leadership right now, we're also not trained to hear that. Some of us with personalities like mine, with this going all the time, is harder. So we have to get that's why I have to do the things to hear the small voice. But um, but I love that to trust and listen to and then trust your intuition. It's not, I don't think that you would be saying that every single thing that you feel in your gut is exactly where you need to be. I don't think that's what you're saying. I because that's where I think people might take it. Am I wrong?
SPEAKER_02I I mean, like you you really need to realize that the answers lie within and that you need to trust and you need to be again develop that sense of awareness because sometimes your gut is not really talking to you, it's your ego, it's telling you this is what you want to do, you know. So you're overriding that still small voice. That's what I was looking for, yes. Keep going. Yes, because you know, I I think that we are so conditioned to do things a certain way and to not trust things that are logical or researched, you know. So it's just something you need to cultivate. Some of us are more in tune, but we all have it. We all have that skill. It's just a matter of first believing that you have it and start learning how to temp into it. And start with baby steps. I'm huge on baby steps because you know, you might realize, oh my God, I I made this decision in haste, or you know, I insisted on doing things my way when I had this leading thought that that was not the way to do it. You start with the small things. And then when you realize that that inner guidance system is there to serve you in your highest good, then you can just relax and just stop putting that much resistance because we are so conditioned to resist everything. Yeah, you know, and just allow, and things will come, you know, things will come to you, the ideas will come to you, you know, the opportunities will come to you, but we need to really let go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we're conditioned to get on the like one of those people mover things at the airport. We're conditioned to get on that thing and then go up the escalator and then get more. I'm one of those people movers and my son loves to get on them and run. And we're conditioned to get on that, and getting off them can be hard and getting off them can be dangerous. Um, the reality is though, we're not actually on one. There is, there's, there's not that the danger's not really there. And we actually can walk on our own. We actually can make those decisions on our own. And I like the way you differentiate it. Every division, every decision you're not, you're gonna make is not gonna be perfect. That doesn't, that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about learning to, and I loved that, separate out what you want to do from what needs to happen and what you need to do, and just to sit, oh, patience is not that is that is not easy for us these days.
SPEAKER_02No, patience is something that needs to be cultivated too. We're by nature, you know, seeking instant gratification. It's very social, especially in our American society.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. My son does not understand popcorn that's not in the microwave. Um, I'm like, you are so missing out.
SPEAKER_01The air poppers of the 80s.
SPEAKER_00Ah, no, I'm like full oil and everything. It's yummy. Um, so as we wind up here today, where where's the best place for people to find you? We are gonna put all of that in the show notes, but where should people go to find you, Sonia?
SPEAKER_02The best way to connect with me is through my website, soniafrontera.com. And there you will find links to all my social media, uh, LinkedIn, YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook.
SPEAKER_00Excellent. And I understand that you have um an e some ebook copies that you are interested in sharing with our listeners. So um how I think what we'll do is um have people comment uh and or let's actually have them tag us on social media. If you tag Sonia and me in what's the best social media to tag you? And we're gonna put all this. Is it LinkedIn or where are you most active? We can do it Facebook. Okay, Facebook. So we will have um we'll put all of that down there. We will put um the title to the ebook so they can look at it and then have them tag us on Facebook, tag us both, and maybe tell us the one major takeaway from this particular episode. And I'll when I do the outro for this, I'll put all that in there as well. But um, I am excited to share and I love it when authors are willing to just give their work to people because that's you said you wanted to make a difference, and that's how you really help people.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and I think we all need to come out of this episode realizing that we are all leaders in our own way. We need to discover what is our leadership flavor and just like spread it all over the world. That is that is our mission. Let's embrace it with love, knowing and trusting that we have the answers and that the way will reveal itself one step at a time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I like that. Before we close, what is the one thing? This is what we always ask, that you can always be optimistic about, even when others think you're crazy. And this can be wide open. You can show us your fun side or it can be really serious.
SPEAKER_02I I think it's it's that that feeling that everything will work out in the end. And I some people think I'm ridiculous because I can be so optimistic about things. It's like, okay, you know, it's it's just like really messed up right now. I think it will work out. And it's like, you're such a Polly Anna. I'm like, I don't care what you think.
SPEAKER_00I want to be me. This is the difference between the six and the seven, because the six would be like, I'm not a Pollyanna, right? The six is like, I don't, I mean, the seven's like, I don't care what you think. Um whatever. Um, you do you boo, right? But you know what? For for so many people, um, to just have that understanding and to be able to say everything will work out in the end, it doesn't mean it's gonna work out exactly as you think it's going to work out. Not at all. Right. So it's that's not necessarily you know, Pollyanna always said how things were gonna just be perfect. And that this is releasing our expectations. And I bet, I'll bet you, you being able to sit back and listen and learn and trust yourself and the the process and the journey is what gave you this optimism.
SPEAKER_02Yes, and you know what? And looking back, sometimes bad things happen for good reasons, and I think we need to look back in our lives and realize that you know, this terrible job loss led you to another opportunity or to a move to a different part of the country, or not getting into the school of your choice, you know, led you to plays to the place where you met the love of your life. So it is that surrendering and trusting to the process. And for me, my mantra, I always land on my feet.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's a good one. Always land on your feet. That's great. Sonia, thank you so much for today. This has been has met all my expectations and it's seated, seated many. So I I love that um being able to meet new women like this and make new friends. And I am excited to see where uh our relationship is gonna go and how you're gonna help our audience. And um I'm excited for people to get to know you. So thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01Thank you so much for having me and for all you do. This is great work.
SPEAKER_00How encouraging is it to hear someone else talk about very real struggles and to share how she overcame them and is now empowering others to do that. You know, it feels like I say that often after an interview. I gotta tell you, I consider that a really good thing. I want you to know that no matter what your challenge or circumstance, you're not alone. Someone, another woman, has already been or is where you are. And there's a path forward. And that could be a path out of an abusive relationship or owning the fact that you're a servant leader, and it's good to be recognized in that role. Now, before I share my takeaways from this conversation and the advice Sonia shares, I want to show you how intentional optimism and unconventional leadership shows up in her story. As a reminder, I do this each interview because we all live unique and different lives. And while what we do is different, intentional optimism is how we do what we do. It's the attitudes and mindsets that we employ and embody to live out our own goals and dreams with excellence. So let's start with optimistic. Sonia brings hope to women in what may feel like hopeless circumstances. I don't think that I can communicate just how powerful that actually can be. She's present, of course. She's kind and generous, reaching out specifically to those who feel disenfranchised by social or religious norms through no fault of their own. And she focuses on others, highlighting that people are more important, which is such a beautiful example of the tenet of energetic. Sonia is courageous, she's undaunted and resilient. Look at her first marriage. Getting out of that, getting her law degree, writing books, she just doesn't give up. We actually joked about that together. Now, her wisdom showed up really early in her younger years, but she understands that absolutely everything boils down to awareness. And she even said it over and over awareness, awareness, awareness. And boy, is she intentional. She's always prepared for any opportunity that might come along, even referencing the Seneca quote about luck being the intersection of preparation and opportunity. Sonia's unconventional in her leadership because her passion to guide others through potentially devastating circumstances is a reflection of her core values of service to and empowering of others, making her a fantastic role model for millions, many caught in the same dilemma she found herself in. Sonia's dedicated to her own personal growth, spending time each morning nurturing her body, mind, soul, and spirit. I loved how we seem to have a very similar morning routine. Remember, unconventional leaders lead at every level, in any area, using their unique gifts. And Sonia is a perfect example of how leadership looks different in each one of us. She integrates the wisdom acquired through her personal journey, her professional experience, and the lessons of all the teachers that she's learned from and translates that into guidance that is insightful and practical. Now, like every other guest, I asked Sonia to share a few green flags that you should look for in yourself that might indicate that you're well suited for either the kind of work she does or to make a major change like she did. I love that she pointed out that the purpose of marriage is to make you better, to help you flourish. And I think keeping that in mind and framing her work with that particular concept is very helpful. So remembering that no matter where you find yourself, if it's in an abusive situation or if it's wanting to help others out of one, she mentions two main characteristics that she thinks really help. First, a sense of humor. Now, how do you react to adversity in your own life or in the lives of others? Of course, there's no intention to joke about divorce or abuse here, and she makes it very clear though that her sense of humor is what got her through some really tough spots. If you're someone who can take a circumstance and diffuse it in a way that empowers either you or someone else, you might be onto something here. And second, persistence. She is totally undaunted. She's willing to keep going in the face of what might seem like extreme opposition, knowing that she is worth fighting for. She said it several times. All I want to be is me. And of course, I say a hearty yes with both hands in the air. So let's say that those two characteristics are things you find in yourself. What's next? Well, in either one of those scenarios, she said there's three main things. First, listen to your intuition. You've got to learn to trust yourself and tap into what your intuition is telling you. You can take the right steps you need when you listen to that still small voice. Now, for you, that might, depending on your spiritual perspective, it could be listening to your gut, it could be listening to your family, it could be listening to God or through the way he speaks through the Bible. But you need to learn to figure out what that is. In spiritual communities, a lot of times we'll call that discernment. And number two, don't override that still small voice. The answers really do lie within, but you need to learn the difference between your gut and your ego. Boy, that's good. She said, just because you want to do something doesn't mean it's the right thing. So take the time to discern the why of what you're doing, and that's going to give you a better idea of whether or not it's your ego talking. And third, start with baby steps. You will not make all the right decisions immediately. I think I'll say that again. You will not make all the right decisions immediately, right now, right off the bat. You will make mistakes. But the more you listen, the better you'll get at figuring it out. Plus, with small steps taken in the right direction, you'll still eventually get there. But if the direction is off, a little or much, smaller steps make it easier to change or pivot. Now, even as a divorce attorney, Sonia is not an advocate of divorce. She's simply a woman who found herself in a bad situation and figured out a way to empower herself and help others. So to learn more about Sonia or to reach out to her for help, you'll find everything you need in the show notes. But her website, Soniafrontera.com, has links to everything, including her books. And as a bonus, five lucky listeners will win an ebook copy of one of her books. So snap a picture of where you're listening, tag both Sonia and me, and you might actually win. To give yourself a little enthusiasm and encouragement, go check out her website or her Amazon author page. All of that is in the show notes, and pick your favorite. But don't forget to tag us. Now, y'all, I personally too have opened up my books and I have several one-on-one coaching slots available. If you're ready to take control of your growth and empower yourself to lead or take whatever steps you need to take, you can book a 30-minute consultation with me and let's see if we're a good fit. Alright then. Until next time. If you're curious what it would be like to work more closely with me, or to step up as an unconventional leader yourself, schedule a free discovery session and we'll chat. But maybe you're an entrepreneur looking for a support team. I'd like to personally invite you into my collaborative community, Launch from the Beach. It could be just what you're looking for. All of my contact information and all the links are included in the show notes. And don't forget, you can always connect with other intentional optimists in our Facebook community. You can follow my Facebook or Instagram page, or even connect with me on LinkedIn. Additionally, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter, Optimistic Living. It's good stuff delivered straight to your inbox on a not so strict schedule, but always from the heart. Remember, unconventional leaders lead at every level, in any area, using their unique gifts. And you, my friend, are a leader. You are the future of leadership and the role models for future generations. Until next time.
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